Translation of a book in German to English. NSFW, trigger warning : violence, verbal abuse, physical pain, mxm erotic subdom experiences and such. I don't own the story, original art & writing is by Guilt+Pleasure

Chapter 2

Katsuya kept the small, folded note in a compartment of his briefcase, even though he didn't need it. He had unfolded it and read the string of digits so many times that he memorized it. Looking at the piece of paper and the numbers pulled him into another debate with himself. It usually ended with him folding the piece of paper in half and putting it back in the small pocket.

This time, he didn't.

He looked at his fingers with a strange fascination as he tapped the numbers on the smooth screen of his phone. He hesitated for a few moments before deciding to press the dial button, then took a few deep breaths while he listened to the ring tone resonate through the earpiece.

He didn't know who answered the phone, but it certainly wasn't M. Maybe an assistant. A man with a soft voice simply told him that M would be in touch with him soon. The conversation had only lasted twenty-four seconds, the display told him, when he finally hung up. Feeling like a stupid child and annoyance as he looked at the note again before throwing it into the trash can next to his desk.

That afternoon, a courier left an envelope with the front desk clerk while he was with a patient. Inside was a map on which in a neat handwritten in black ink was the address of the New York Plaza Hotel and an appointment two hours later. A private Room on  was reserved for their meeting.
A familiar feeling came over K as he entered the small room and his eyes met M's. K gave him a quick nod after M greeted him with a hint of a smile.

M wore an expensive tailored dark suit with a red silk tie. He had his silver hair brushed and tied back. Although he looked much less intimidating in his formal attire, he still had a predatory gaze in his eyes and a knowing smile on his lips.

"Thank you for seeing me." K said, sliding a chair from the table and sitting down.

The slightest shrug of the shoulders answered him.

A primly dressed, older waiter came in, pushing a silver sevice cart in front of him. He didn't say a word and didn't look at M or K as he poured fresh coffee from a white porcelain pot with a gold rim into two matching cups. In the middle between the two men he placed a small jug with milk and a sugar bowl. Then he wished them a nice day and went. He left the service cart and the coffee pot behind. M was the first to pick up his cup and drink.

"Does D know you're here ?"

K pulled his cup towards him and drank. He couldn't help but smile at M's question. "Do you think I would be in a relationship with someone from whom I would have to ask permission for anything ?"

M laughed.

"He knows you sent me the collar." K continued. "He doesn't know that I contacted you or that we are meeting."

"And so," M began, setting down his cup and leaning back, "He must have warned you about me."

"He did."

There was a moment of silence. The two men stared at each other for a few moments, assessing each other up.

"What would you like to discuss ?” M finally asked, picking up his cup again.

"Althrough you don't entertain curiosity, I am still curious,." said K. "Why did you send me the package with the collar ?"

"My intentions are obvious." replied M. "Unlike yours." He put the cup back on the saucer and sat up straight. The polite smile disappeared from his face. "I don't like wasting my time. I would like for you to answer my questions when I ask them."

"You are a stranger. What makes you think I'll give you my secrets ?"

"For the same reasons you are here. If my gesture had really offended you, you would have brought the collar back to me and maybe even taken D with you to stand guard at the door."

K's finger traced the tim of his cup over and over again as he contemplated his answer.

"You want to know what it is like to give unconditional surrender to someone who will take it completely. Someone who will do it not out of love for you - because love itself is still a condition, correct ?"

K couldn't help but smile at M's words.

"I've met hundreds like you," explained M. "The same pretty outside with a ruined inside."

"Looking for someone like you who can free them from this inner decay ?" K asked.

"No." M answered. "Looking for someone like D to stop the hairline fractures from breaing you in half."

Katsuya's smile didn't fade. He was genuinely intrigued, even if he believed he should be offended. He took another sip of coffee. He was still hot and burning his tongue.

"So, what do you want from me ?" asked K. "Hurt me and see what I look like when I am in pain? To hear what I might sound when I beg ?"

M laughed. "Pain is just a trigger." he explained. "When it applied just right... It can change a person."

"Do you want to change me ?" 

The question hung in the air between them. It was not answered.

M pushed back his chair and stood up. He straightened his suit, carefully straightening the sleeves and brushing the wrinkles from his lap. Meticulous. He stepped around his chair and circled the table until he stopped short a few steps away from Kand looked down at him.

"We can talk later." M said as he held out his hand. K looked at it and the two elaborate rings that adorned his middle and ring fingers. The design of the ring on his middle finger was identical to the engraving on the box in which the necklace had come. "Before I spend any more of my time on... this, I need to know how deep your - we will call it 'curiosity' until we find a better word."

Suddenly K's throat went dry and for a few moments he couldn't bring himself to move. His hand shook as he raised it to place it in M's. There was a strange sense of fear and excitement coursing through him as M's hand closed around his - there was an irresistible  strong power in the way the warmth of M's palm enveloped his fingers.


K waited in the lobby as M instructed him. Occasionally he glanced at the cell phone he had pulled out of his pocket. D hadn't been in the office since seven this morning. V had told him that he was working on a multiple murder case on the Westside. Guilt washed over him as he thought of D as he sat on the soft leather sofa, waiting for the man D had warned him about.

I'm such a bastard! Why am I doing this ?

The question stirred up terrible feelings within him, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and leave. He mentally scolded himself until M came and motioned for him to follow him. He clutched his phone as he did this, always staying two steps behind on the way to a private elevator, which was located behind several doors, which M opened with a key card. 

"Once we get to the room," M explained when the elevator doors opened, “you’re not allowed to turn back anymore."

K only nodded and stepped into the glass and marble elevator. M inserted the key card into the slot and pressed the top button. He had taken the master suite, which was remote on the top floor of the hotel.

“There will be no safe word.” M continued, keeping his eyes on the gold scoreboard. "I decide when you are allowed to stop. Understand ?"

He looked over at K, no warmth in his face. The usual smile was gone. For a moment, Kthought he looks monstruous. Something that had crawled out from under his bed.

"Is this a test ?"

“You can call it whatever you want." M replied, holding out his hand. "As I said, I don't like to waste time. Give me your phone."

K hesitated and didn't move. The elevator stopped. Even when the doors opened, K still clung to his phone.

“I must be the only one you call for." M said softly. "You have to trust me implicitly. If you can't bring yourself to relinquish your only connection to D... to the outside world while we are here, then we'll just take the elevator back down now. Then our paths will separate and will never cross again."

The moment lasted long enough for the elevator doors to close again, but the elevator didn't move. Confined to this small space, M's words weighed heavily on him. Almost against his will, he placed his phone in M's hand.

“Good boy,” said M, rewarding him with a hint of a smile. He pushed his head to open the doors, and as if to prevent him from changing his mind, M now took his hand and pulled him behind him, as he had done when they first met . But this time it was different. M's grip wasn't tight, he just held his hand to guide him.

Only when they entered the suite and M turned on the light, which revealed the spaciousness and elegance of the room,  K finally spoke :  "Why aren’t we in your house ?”

M took off his jacket. "I don't have to be in a particular place, surrounded by particular objects, to do what I do." he replied.

"Before we begin... I need to know..." K began, watching as M hung up his jacket. He interrupted himself.

“Is sex part of the process?” M said for him. 

He undid his cufflinks and unbuttoned his sleeves as he walked toward a chair next to the picture window. He placed the silver buttons on a small glass side table and made himself comfortable in the leather armchair.

"I won't have sex with you." K explained.

M just smiled. "Strip.” he said. That one word was firm and allowed no resistance. K felt unsettled again. He questioned why he was even here and what he actually wanted. He wasn't aware that he was slowly clenching and unclenching his fists over and over again.

You didn't answer my question, K insisted.

M leaned on an armrest and crossed his legs. "This is the one and only pass I'll offer you since this is your first time." he finally said. "When I'll answer your question, you will understand where your place is - even if learning it is the hardest thing you ever did."

There was a pause. The silence between them was palpable, tangible, excruciating.

"None if this is about sex as you know it." explained M. "If I fuck you, it's about ownership. It's about me owning you and not only allowing it, but needing it like the air you breathe. It's not about love. It's not something you instinctively want to give a name to. If I cause you pain or give you pleasure, it has no meaning other but what I want you to feel."

M's words were astonishingly precise and yet K found it difficult to understand them. They take over his entire self like a drug he had never tried before. His thoughts were elsewhere, even when M asked him again to strip, and he began to undress.

His movements were mechanical and the silence was unbearable. Only the rustling of his clothes as he took them off and let them fall to the floor in a messy heap broke the silence. As he shed more and more clothing and the chill air from the air conditioning hit his bare skin, he realized he was shaking in fear. It was a form of fear he didn't know how to control.

"Come here." said M. His voice soft. Gentle.

His legs moved of their own accord before K was even aware of the command. He took one step after the other until he was at arm's length from M.

M opened his legs and motioned for K to kneel down. He obeyed. The discomfort of his knees bearing his weight on the polished marble floor was emphasized by his trembling.

M leaned forward and took K's face in his hands. His warmth was calming. M held him tight, thumbs stroking his cheekbones right below his eyes, over and over again.

"From this point on, you will not speak." M said. "Not until I end this and give you permission."

K let out a sigh between parted lips. His focus was on M's bright blue eyes, the way they were an odd contrast to the rest of him. 
Though M wore a veneer of indifference and spoke coldly and cryptically, K thought he saw a kind of affection in his eyes that reminded him of D.

The thought of D made him flinch and M saw it. The hand that held his face tightened. "No one exists in this world, in this moment in time, except you and me", he said. "Trust me and I will give you what you want."

K gave him the slightest nod.

After a few moments, M slowly removed his hand. He stood bringing K up to his feet with him. He walked him out of the living room toward the bedroom.

The light clicked on. The room was illuminated brilliantly exhibiting a kind of extravagance that bordered on gaudiness.  It was outfitted with a four posted bed accented with expensive embroidery. The wood was stained dark cherry, complimenting the forest green and gold duvet that matched the drapery nestled against the wall where a view of the city unfolded beautifully below, a tall wall unit stood, also in dark cherry, with intricate designs carved into its double doors. That was probably where the television and other electronics where tucked away.

K was instructed to hold onto both posts at the foot of the bed. M left, disappearing into one of the connect rooms. He emerged minutes later with two lengths of ties that he had slipped off bathrobes.

K founded himself shaking again, as M wound one end of a silk and cotton blend tie around one of his wrists. He couldn't even watch as knots were made swiftly and the other end of the tie was secured to the top of the post.
His arm was pulled up tight and high - to the point K had to balance on the ball of his foot. The other wrist was tied to the other post and pulled up the same way. When M backed away, K could feel his calves tighten and his body starting to grow taut in the unusual position.

M ran a hand along his backside, then followed the contour oh his spine from the base of his neck down to his tailbone.

"Do you want a gag ?"

The question was a frightening one, but K took a deep swallow of air and shook his head.

"Good boy." M said. He stroked K's back once more before stepping away.

K heard the slightest sound of a belt buckle tinkling. He took in more breaths, trying to calm himself as his throat started to close and knots in his tighten stomach. He didn't have time to prepare himself before the first hard slash of pain came.

It cut at an angle into the center of his back. He could feel it distincly. Another came, and this time he could hear the leather whistle through the air. The sharp pain felt like a knife, leaving a terrible burning after. He didn't heard or knew he screamed. All he knew was the pain and how it was slowly hollowing him out, with only fire left behind.

He twisted, wringing his hands, desperately trying to free himself from the knots around his wrists. The sliver of leather on the belt found its mark each time, layering the pain until he thought he was about to go unconscious. He only knew the whipping had stopped when he couldnl't hear it anymore.

M's warm hand was cold against his back, fingers deliberates as they traced the thick welts interlaced with a few lines of red where the belt had broken the skin.

'"You didn't beg." M said, giving K a kiss against his temple. "I'm very proud of you."

K was panting and altrough he couldn't be certain, he thought he had been crying.

"A little more," M murmured into his ear, "and I'll give you a reward."

The words were metallic and sounded far away. They didn't make a lot of sense, but when the pain came afain it was worse - and that was all he could register.

The belt cut into the backs of his thighs. M was striking harder and faster in a steady pace that made the whipping sounds echo as one long crack. He struck again and again. Until the sounds ceased to have any measning for K and the pain was all he knew. There was nothing else.

K's eyes flickered open when another sensation came at last - the warmth of M's body pressing against him from behind, enveloping him. The hand stokes his chin, turning his head to M's direction, face to the deep blue eyes again. There was something in his eyes... something almost... Insane.
Predatory gaze.

M pressed his mouth over his, tongue licking against his.
It might have been instinct that made K return the kiss. M's clothing was harsh against his raw skin but he wanted M's warmth, even if it hurt. As quickly as it came, M pulled away.

"Endure it a little longer." M told him.

The belt came back down again. This time, K tried to make himself focus on the sensation, the pain itself as it cut into his back and into his thighs - the way it was unbearable but his body took it. His instinct to pull at the restraints was also gone, perhaps he had learned on a subconscious level that it didn't matter. That nothing he did mattered.

He counted fifteen. Then it stopped. M threw the belt he had been using on the bed, just a few feet away. K studied it in mindless fascination as M undid the knots around his wrists.

With the restraints gone and his body no longer pulled taut, he sank down to his knees. He wasn't certain why, but he sat on the floor and sobbed. Oddly, he didn't feel ridiculous. He didn't care.

"On the bed." M said firmly.

K wiped his damp cheeks with the back of his hands and looked up at M. Without a word, he gathered his legs beneath him and  put what strength he had into standing up. He then sat down on the edge of the bed, the belt beside his hand.

"Are you crying from pain ?" M asked, picking the belt back up.
He folded it in half. He appeared ammused as he asked the question. "You may answer me."

"No", K said, and nothing else.

M leaned in and kissed him again. This time, it was quick and on the mouth. "You're doing very well." he said, and pressed the folded belt against K's lower lip.

K blinked, uncertain if he should answer.

"You look absolutely beautiful like this..." M said, licking a trail along the slope of K's cheek with the tip of his tongue. "Naked. Hurt. Open."

He pressed his mouth over K's again, and this time, the kiss went deep. His tongue moved slowly, caressing, as he lay K back on the bed. The silk duvet was cool against his back and it felt good. It felt better as M laced one leg over him, straddling him, knees pinning his hips.

When the kiss broke, K found himself breathless with a need he couldn't find a way to verbalize. The emptiness that had been filled with pain and fire inside him had ebbed. He want something, anything, to refill it again. He didn't even care what cost it could be. He opened his mouth to speak, but M pressed a finger to his lips and shushed him.

He fastened K's wrists to the two post at the head of the bed and when he finished, he knelt over K again. "Soon." he whispered, understanding the unsaid words. He gave K another smile before he straightened and raised the folded belt again.

This time he moved slowly for K to watch it come down and strike across his stomach. He swallowed the scream that was nearly ripped out of him, but another strike came, across his chest. He screamed this time, the torso lifting off the bed. M tightened his knees against K's hips, not allowing him to roll to the side to hide from the coming blows ; and they rained down, one after another, until the pale skin that was once smooth started to darken with thick welts and bruises.

"Please...", was all K was able to say, after the screaming had made his voice hoarse.

His body was still taut, recoiling from the whipping that had stopped when M moved his knees to the inside of his thighs - nudging them open. Sobs racked his entire being.

"Calm..." murmured M into his mouth. "Focus on me. Just me."

Through the haze that came and went with the tears that flowed from his eyes, K only nodded and stared straight again.

"Good. Good boy..." M said, brushing the sweat - damp locks hair from K's eyes and forehead. "You are doing very well."

M wound his arms around him, gathering him into warmth that K didn't know he wanted desperately, the kind that he didn't quite feel, even as D held him. Gentle fingers raked through his hair stroking him as he cried.


Although he had never realized it before, K saw that he was lonely. No matter who he was with, even when he was with the people he loved and who loved him... he felt loneliness. Deep inside him, this feeling was the reason he had guarded fiercely some treasure; except that it wasn't something valuable, it was something that hurt. Something that hurt so much worse than the intense bouts of pain he had just experienced.

Then there was no more sobbing, just tears, a steady rivulet flowing from the corners of his eyes as he stared at M's shirt where his tears had stained it.

"Take as much from me as you need." M said in a whisper. "I will give you whatever you need for as long as you want."

K only nodded numbly.

Everything hurt. That was the only though K had when he woke. He remembered everything at once but he could do nothing but let the memories roll through his mind as he tried to gather enough will to overcome the pain. It was like being thrown into a choppy sea and he cuold barely swim.

He finally made himself roll over onto his back, but instantly regretted it. Although the cotton sheets were soft, their touch still stung. He let out a moan and a curse. Then he smelled a cigarette. The scent wafted into the bedroom, following footsteps that stopped at his bedside.

M looked amused as he took another pull of his half-smoked cigarette. "I usually don't stay for the afterglow." he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and blowing out a stream of smoke, "but I didn't bring an attendant to do it for me."

K pulled himself up, ignoring the sharp pain that flared. Now out of the moment, he didn't want to speak to M lying down. He sat up gingerly against the headboard and gathered the duvet around him.

"I can't say I know what do to next." K said. "Is it always like ... this ?"

M laughed. "No." he said. "I can do much worse."

"Was this what you wanted to do to me the first time we met ?"

"D would not have allowed it." M said, discarding the remains of his cigarette into a tray. "It would not have mattered if you did."

"But you would have done something like this if he hadn't been in the room ?"

"I have interests." M said, standing up. "Even if I don't indulge in the inquiries of others" He reached into his pocket and pulled out K's phone. "You have the room for another day if you elect to stay and recover." He held out the cell, "but perhaps you should see D soon."

K took the phone. Looking at the screen, he realized he had been in the suite with M or nearly seven hours and had five missed calls and a string of texts. It was nearly three A.M.

"If he hasn't already combed through the hospitals and the morgues," M said.
He bent down and gave K a kiss on his forehead. "Come see me when you want to continue."

"What did you see ?" K asked.

M titled his head, pleasured. "I saw what wanted to see. And I expect to see more."

K pulled up his knees carefully and wound his arms around them.

"It wasn't weakness." M saif simply and walked out the door.

K watched him go, tracking his footsteps as he collected his things and left. Then he was alone again. The suite that had been impressively big, now felt massive.