FROSTYNEIGE

cool things that happened (or might happen) :
- plushies meeting
- writing letters
- watched Double Mints (2017)
- Nana themed site soon...
- Today I went to the store with my mom and I aperceived a couple of lesb tattoed women and it makes me hopeful and happy
- Clannad OST
- bought ice cream (nuts) in winter
- got new gloves, washed them by hands
- woke up, cleaned the house and made handmade banh bao!
- wearing berry perfume, wore a ringohairclip (gift from my lovely Alys), feeling very soft
- saw a girl at a terasse with friends looking like Avril Lavigne with brown hairrr, oughh my heart, i wanna be her
- you guts (guys*) don't actually traîner ici hein...
- i took a day off to DRAW
- went out under the rain to do spotting
- had a dream that reminds me to not neglecting the last train home
- met "someone like me" bit different, very chill
- bought a newwww parfume it's berry and musk, hesitating with violet for a more softness (maybe next time I go to this little store in my town)
- woke up and it smells like freshly bread cooked
- considering impure crew as a secret  exutoire for ascii
- looked at lot of images of wolves on pinterest this morning, makes me happy
- crocheted oranges 🍊 and a rabbit with a destroyed eye
- dude from the bus smiled at me (thanks to him)
- wanna watch Doukyuusei
- my friend is from Przemyśl
- Natalia recommended me to watch the film Fanatyk (2017)
- all i can think about are ziemniaki w serze
- found the book "Diary" of Anna Dostoievska 
- found a book I really want to offer
- found Douze
- went to paint at canal
- offered the book, drank a lemonade
- cooked carrots for mum
- got tickets for concerrrt
- must watch Hejter, 2020.
- shrimps and lemon
- cooked carrot salad for a meeting tomorrow and it ends up super vinegared and I can feel the acid dissolving me
- want to try karaoke because even characters from SweetPool tried
 & Lucy is doable
- The Nana's live action second film !!!!!!!!!!!!! 2005


GOT TICKETS FOR B7KLAN TEHEHEHE
I truly need another space than ig to express my love for music, engagement for metal and rock 🪨 
Living vkei dide is one of my goal but bro is alone and has no friend who does heavy music with real instruments and/or scream and like to do brats together, having a garage band and an influence is something i don't have and i feel like my life is missing it and I am stepping I walk alongside a dream I can never achieve

Had crazy dreams lately
The sensation of dreaming is very satisfying, it's physically untouchable, it's floating and everything exists because of your mind


sometimes i am sad thinking about the past and how people treated me, hurted me and how much it created so much hate while I am still here  thinking about that.

i must move on. i must get over it 

3/03 it snowed !!!

spend lovely time just before New Year and also money, but it's okay ~~~
We only live once and I don't really go out that often anyways I can buy myself that little treat sometimes



the bro went out and then came back home after
my bro just came home and he said he chat chatted with a young dude named W - S and he said he might know me from StLuc art school and described me as a "little emo"

that is

thats is the vibe i give


smiling sm because I was feeling down thinking my friends don't want my compagny but i ended up writing letters to people I like and i am going to surprise them like booom you might have forgot about me but look i actually really like you and collect stuffs for you all cause i wish you were my homie
i am chuckling all alone in my room surrounded by my plushies

0°c 12:18
ai scrollé pendant 2h

ai préparé mon sac la veille because j'etais too excited to leave home to see friends
je me demande qui il y aura
j'ai fait une salade de carotte et c'est un peu wack et trop salé /devenir caillou mineral


8:17 4°c
So unmotivated by everything everyone 

tt le monde il s'en fich' >:(((

Stole my bro guitar to cope with the emptiness in my kokoro, learned some chords...

It's been more than a week I haven't get out, and the consequences are awful : I wake up super early or aren't able to sleep no more, I do nightmares, very very odd dreams, my own bed feels uncomfortable also my body is

watched Double Mints, 2017.
Asumiko Nakamura's stories are the most immoral thing I ever read about relationship terms, they really push the limits to what can be unbearable, intolerable and heavy. The live action of Double Mints is truly something (link of the film) it is very well done, some scenes hurts and feel very uncomfortable like the original manga.



3°c 16:04
This morning I doomscrolled 2 HOURS of reels. and it activated serotonin, and motivation. How strange and powerful a numerical social media can be a motor or bipolar emotions on human like me.

Anyways it's been a little more than an entire week I haven't went outside, i am freezing inside and idk how I am supposed to survive new year without catching a cold

if it rains i won't go out


Watched Seto&Utsumi, 2016.

reminds me of Shadi, Shirotan & Kuroge and also the meaningless of my life


-4°c 26/12 Solitude became a strength
Nothing planned for new year eve and it makes me sad because I notice that I am not invited by my friends anymore, I am not sure to be a good company and I am scared to ask anybody to join me to do nothing and being bored with me what's this  maybe i should end it to be less sad

When your friends have plans and you're not invited : that's fine that's okay i will be hanging (out) with myself to/with a branch tree dw / drama

ouuuh i remembered when I took the bus that I noticed that (asian) person wandering randomly and I told myself : i wanna be like that. And felt a intense admiration towards them
i guess it will be the thought about an ideal and me against the world!

it has always been like that
Solitude became a strength

update : I talked to my bro about how I feel about new year eve and the bro related

Decided to write on paper my feelings 📜 
Maybe I should write a letter to the city ?


woah so cool

DMMD ON SWITCH
HAHA NO WAY DMMD on Nintendo switch
Can you release room n°9 pleaz

25/12 -4°c
It's very frosty cold here
I wonder is little birds are okay...

keeping distance with everything and everyone is what protects me from the world

3°c, it's cold and i am typying synthesis


Youji...........


I am going to meet her

Guilty Anna Tsuchiya

I am feeling like they step in my private space
Everytime I receive message from someone I feel invaded
je me sens envahi.e, il faut que je repousse en m'éloignant
the urge to

so I watched Nana again.
and it feels so real so nostalgic and powerful, so true

I want to have a love story like Nana or NOTHING

loud concerts, cigs, snow, intensity and distance
Lucky hasard &
Independance

Vacation, study and lack of interaction
mmmmh being in vacation, but the obligation to study
I don't want interaction but i kind of want it
I have sent the letters to my friends and it sucked my soul out now i need to restore (and read)

dry phone
sitting on the floor
alone
I wanna be someone's dog

me coming hometown after 7hours of walking straight the whole night; hmm henlo?


Books and gifts
Very happy. I found books and adorable gifts for my friends, some of them are leaving for Asia, and so I am hibernating until they come back (I must study for my exams, I must pass and get my diploma) 
I took care of myself, noting everyday in my diary (writing notes in my notebook), eating tangerines, they're delicious.
Every night I go to sleep being so happy to be in my bed. Every night I dream and overthink to be cuddle by someone / anyone, every night my cat steps on my face (stupid)
I am drinking water and tea, and water and tea and water and tea
My friends take so much good care of me
I am very sage but also very evil sometimes

Concert ? and book of Anna Dostoievska
HAD A VERY GOOD DAY.
Hesitating to go to France for a concert: Anna Tsuchiya aaaaahhhhhhhhh
also found a book : the diary of Anna Dostoievska from 1867

update : got ticket for concert, it means I must stay alive until april


went out
went out to eat raclette with friends in a hangar aha
I kind of had to insist to join which bugs me a little
They probably wouldn't invite me if i hadn't came yesterday "vy don't like to eat in public anyway" (have the same problem with karaoke and thing "envy doen't really like to sing anyways" and so people stop inviting me)
When I arrived i saw the sight of someone, and i struggle to remove their face from my mind that was showing a "what are you doing here ?" :///
Feeling pitiful, I was feeling pitiful

But everything went well, really well. I did my best to be enjoyable, maybe I was more joyful than usual (i was the youngest at the table) and tried to bring happiness, games, subjects and even veggie lol
It's truly a blessing, but it was my first ever raclette with friends and i really enjoyed it


We got one life !! Go where you wanna go !! (in the bed zzzz mimimi sayonaradios)

6°c it's cold again
buying paint and finding motivation
seeing someone i used to love, ignoring them
i am so sad

9/12 14°c Spent a very very nice day today
Talked about my favourite film (Sala Samobójców) in polski class, it really puts me in an incredible mood because the teacher knew about it !!!! special wink y'know
also went to buy some wool (got red, yellow, brown, creamy white and sweetie N offered me some pink, green and dark brown) to make some supah cute hats, gloves, shapes or anything soft... ✨💖
i feel guéris là jvj
also bought some biscuits au Okay (the choccy flowers shaped) and drank a coffee at Coin Culture 

we learned about godzina (time, heure) in polski and i really struggle with numbers I must train and exerce !!!

Wanted to buy some soap but couldn't find the violet one so I gave up and went out the store without buying anything (rare)!!! proud of not feeling the urge to buy stuffs 

I don't get people who are lying
who are lying even for simple things
this is just bad

how am I suppose to trust you if you tell lies ? 
this is just make me very desperate about humanity 

it's really rainy outside
idk what kind of activities this weather is destined to...

scrolled through "uni aesthetic and positive thoughts" to motive myself........ "this is no hard, it's just new"
there is so much and so I must master everything 

I can say that I am scared about my polish exam, I must train, listen and speak, write also
My will go travel there and to meet polish people and to go to polish stores nyuuhhh give me lots of hope
Like " I can't die before doing it "
There are several polish stores in the city and i am very curious about that
Also I found a really pretty book about a story of a white rabbit who hurts itself and it's really dear to me
Must mention my favourite film is polish... Dominik and Sylwia.... my soul mates.
L, J, B, R, E and Paramaya are polish too. I dearly love my friends, even if it's an indirect link (I don't love my friends because of their origins)
My first best friend at primary school (do we say elementary school?) is polish, their mom's name is Lilyanna ♥️
My teacher's name is very cute too it's Michalina and she is adorable. I had it pretty bad when she saw me walking around the campus instead of going to her class (because I decided to sleep that morning ooups, I needed it) hopefully i didn't write her an email saying that I was sick or whatever pitiful lie I could invent because I was just painting all night (/Towa's routine)

Forgot my pencil case at home... no reason to stay at uni

Had to runnnn under the rain, dashing to my bus stop

i hope you budinternetpeople actually don't read my blog

i am cooked
thinking of just disabling follow here because it is too much it is too much i should have done this earlier fuck and I might move soon my domain and forever leave the exposure because we're hitting limits

ihatesexihatepeopleihatebodies
ihatebacteriasihateodoursihatehumans

i don't remember what was the film I saw where someone shouts "don't have sex! stop having sex!" in a school and fight with a cutter, this scene is engraved in my mind

note : it's Love Exposure

woah stories on ig are the most temporary useless bullshits ever

Ate and still hungry

I witnessed a discussion between the most seducing woman ever talking on the phone with her date (another woman) in the tram just behind me /blushing

Had a very amazing evening wandering through streets and trashing all night along nrv.vnr

Today I went out, everything appears me so grey and gloomy

it's 00:04 i have uni tomorrow and i clicked on this
of course this is my mo-m-e-n-t. no one can stops me /internet lagging
fuck

nyu
 
Today I went to uni as usual
and actually it was a pretty chill and good day because 1) had soup 2) spend time with a person i find cool 3) offered a waffle for the birthday of a classmate 🧇 they're born on 2nd December, they like to draw, I always wanted to offer them a manga but I have to get it somewhere in my cardboards

looking at my dry phone in class and being like "uhm uh i don't have the same motivation anymore"
update : it's play, it's just winter approaching
Must get this diploma, then starting all over again
I want to learn architecture, medecine, arts, travel, communicate, inform people, help, and love.

i just want to be under water sometimes

Consuming my own memories... I don't know if it's good. Retracing the path I took when listening at music, spending time to feel again the lyrics, the sounds, the feelings... It puts me in a very weird mood, it really feels like a cloud or a bubble, far away my reality.

It will always be a part of me. everything I went through, I listened, I tasted. It just displayed here somehow so I don't forget

ok stop dep : TITTUTUTUTUUTITIITURUTUTUT




lol i cried at 3am listening at this one
It really reflected how I felt in the past

SRY FOR BEING A CLOSET OTAKU


It's all about loneliness
(censored)


THEY GO TO KARAOKE LMAO WHAT IS TAT



Shironuma Tetsuo a moment
I don't know, I don't understand him
*creak creak* after few reflexions
Tetsuo is surely a character who struggle to express his feelings (autism?) He probably rawly acts like he thinks it's the best for himself and others, he seems pretty protective and also selfish. He knows what he wants and takes it. Shironuma Tetsuo is like a cold big large fridge
In the drama CD, you can clearly hear the kind of admiration Youji has toward him and maybe the irristible aura and strength he is giving. He is an interesting character but the actual visual novel (censored version) focused on him as the main love interest and also an abuser, because he takes he needs without consent and that's the red flag.

Listened at Zenya's CD drama absolute....................... it's 19:04 of pure torture (censored the link lol for reasons = play the game and learn about the character before)
What shooked me the most is the negligence of Zenya at the end
He is surely a very deranged young boy who is a danger to others and also himself, he hurts himself and also people around him
Zenya suffers a lot of being different, and feeling invalid
He is feared because if his odd attitude but has a really close relationship with Kitani and also his pet friend
Zenya has a tendance to consumerism disorder since he is overprotected by Kitani and buy or throw things as fast as he change his mind
When he got Youji he had a little fun with him then end up abandonning him and let him die

The necessity to type about my feeling about Makoto's CD Drama Regret........... yeahj'AI TROP MAL AAAH C'EST SI TRISTE
Makoto's episode is essentially about a fear of being replaced after being close to someone who struggle and is clearly unintegrated to the conformity of society (of his class)
Youji's frienship seems quite unique to him because he is so distant about everyone, about the everything, the moment they had is very precious to him
He is quite obsessed to maintain the relationship they have, and also has a peculiar proximity he wants to keep
Makoto fears to be left alone, and suffer of it, of not being appreciated
His attitude is like a little child who is easily influenced by his emotions
He is hiding a lot his personal feelings and find comfort in the idea he creates of the ideal of the relationship
At the end he finally figures out how to get what he wants and risk everything, even if it means to hurt the one he loves
He ends up passionately killing the one he wants and end up alone, regretting

j'allais partir en vrille mais j'vais rester calme et posé 
Pour passer mes 'erfs, j'ecris
j'fais c'que j'aime
- Flynt 2nd round & Crown

So much emotions and I am still late everywhere and miss my last train back home
No one can help me, I ain't asking for help
just loudly crying where no one can hear me
No one can save someone who is drowning but I am strong until when
Nonsense speaking
Unconformity 

Putting my limits so relationshits stay away

when the site will hits 500 i will definitely block the fact that you can find my profile on nc !! so much stress
must hide and protect ...
update : I can't find the silly button wtf