FROSTYNEIGE

cool things that happened (or might happen) :
- panda page soon ........ need more b&w page, neutrality
- plushies meeting
- customizing my bag !!!!
- asking commission for very cool things 
- watching instructive videos about regie lumière et son
- writing letters with a comfy pen
- doing my makeup and feeling very ulala (fatale)
- watched Double Mints (2017) /bl
- Nana themed site soon...
- Today I went to the store with my mom and I aperceived a couple of lesb tattoed women and it makes me hopeful and happy
- Clannad OST
- bought ice cream (nuts) in winter
- got new gloves, washed them by hands
- woke up, cleaned the house and made handmade banh bao!
- wearing berry perfume, wore a ringohairclip (gift from my lovely Alys), feeling very soft
- saw a girl at a terasse with friends looking like Avril Lavigne with brown hairrr, oughh my heart, i wanna be her
- you guts (guys*) don't actually traîner ici hein...
- i took a day off to DRAW
- went out under the rain to do spotting
- had a dream that reminds me to not neglecting the last train home
- met "someone like me" bit different, very chill
- bought a newwww parfume it's berry and musk, hesitating with violet for a more softness (maybe next time I go to this little store in my town)
- woke up and it smells like freshly bread cooked
- considering impure crew as a secret  exutoire for ascii
- looked at lot of images of wolves on pinterest this morning, makes me happy
- crocheted oranges 🍊 and a rabbit with a destroyed eye
- dude from the bus smiled at me (thanks to him)
- wanna watch Doukyuusei
- my friend is from Przemyśl
- Natalia recommended me to watch the film Fanatyk (2017)
- all i can think about are ziemniaki w serze
- found the book "Diary" of Anna Dostoievska 
- found a book I really want to offer
- found Douze
- went to paint at canal
- offered the book, drank a lemonade
- cooked carrots for mum
- got tickets for concerrrt
- must watch Hejter, 2020.
- shrimps and lemon
- cooked carrot salad for a meeting tomorrow and it ends up super vinegared and I can feel the acid dissolving me
- want to try karaoke because even characters from SweetPool tried
 & Lucy is doable
- The Nana's live action second film !!!!!!!!!!!!! 2005
- touch up tattoo
- doomscrolling and collecting memes 
- updating my nekoweb


7°c, R's dead.

Wearing the scarf I crocheted ! such a blessing

My mom said "it's ugly" and that comment fucking broke my heart
My head hurts
I am trying to not burst in tears
shhhut the fuck up with all your negativity

update : my brother said it was very well done, better than his coworker and his sincere comment makes me happy

bleeding. ate rice and veggie. suffering.

update : second to last exam and I arrived one hour too early i am stupid... exam is at 7pm and not 6pm at least I got my book and printed images. Hesitating to go in another local instead of waiting in the corridor

posted on rsn and got lots of interactions which make me feel loved and uneasy. having my eyes all dried up now. Need a hard reset and tomorrow I will delete my post because I hate being exposed (hopefully it's just art) and replace it with some "normal content" like cool edgy shit cause yeah) and yeah hmmm uh that's the plan

also I finished customizing my bag and it's supah supah cool i should show it here !!!!

cooked food and family ate, it means they liked it and that's comforting anyways idk how I am feeling i was sick and i am ovulating bye

The good friend sending you dld film (what a good friend..........) chaynnwsowwmawn
mkv file wasn't running on any softwares on my lenovo thinkpad so i just had to dl vlc to make it works

I am feeling invaded again, by everything, everyone

People aren't considering my ideas and I struggle to explain, to defend it
I KNOW that I shouldn't repress my ideas because I feel "no one is listening", I must take some place and justify myself, to explain my ideas because what I defend is valid

Going to read, then sleep. Need a hard reset.

missed my bus because I was indecise about walking (steppspepps counter) or going to the book store, but end up walking back home because I already have some books to read at homeee
so I took the way back but it was cold so I decided to take the tram so another station 

oughhh it should arrives in ten minutes i just wanna go home (but walked a little bit which was good)
Quelle plaie d'habiter loin, vraimen

ps : dropped Q's book code in the OPAC gangclub roiroom (mustn't forget to give it back)

it's winter, exam blocus and I'm watching animes
Watched entirely Chainsaw Man in 2 days because I have no patience and I needed to know and now that I know
I found out that I am wearing the exact same outfit as Makima for my law class + exam

Can we talk about Himeno ??? about Aki also, and the sharp teeth of Denji
The animation is crazy good, literally an eyecandy. I just adore how the endings add lores, and how complex the details are. In fact, the manga plot if pretty simple (demon - hunter - a super strong antagonist) but there is this particular touch the author adds (not the ecchi side lol) ; characters and realism, efficient dialogs, fights and perspectives, and oddity.
Even if the character designs are basics and sometimes very simple actually and stereotyped somehow, it works because there is something very special about their dynamics and how sewn are the relationships.
The odd and insane touch add something very unique, their artworks are odd, weird, authentic. What a day, what an adventure to create a manga about a chainsaw. That is what adds to the originality, the uniqueness of the work.
Quality work : 5/5
Plot : 3/5
Characters : 4/5

Will read the manga.


i am a little bit jealous these days but I have to repress this feeling or I will suffocate

Walked a little bit today, had installed a step counter (kind of creepy because it actually detects uuuh when and maybe where) there are some days I only do 20 steps loool so i decided to not take the crowd bus and walk a little bit more.
There are some reunions with friends and I am MISSING (bro is missing) them all because I am sick so i prefer to isolate with my music and walk kilometers instead... until I feel less contagious.

Went to buy black yearn wool so I can continue to crochet that stupid emo scarf I decided to make
also packageeee arrived (Chrome Hearts ? book ? journals ?? WHAT IS IT)
& found miffy hairclip /scream 

Woke up before 12h (bro always have exam late so i sleep late and wake up...late)
 
 Anyways day time feels infinite ✨
 It's amazing I miss getting up at 7am

saw queerness in my town and went crazy
guuuh i am staring this cute queer cashier with my eyes ok ok with my eyes

i am happy to find someone queer who works in my little town. 
____
We own this day !!
full makeuped babygurl, black clothes, furr and leather. We own this
arrived one hour in advance on the campus so I can relax, zero hour hits
We own this day !!

bro I just want a hot drink, throat hurts
Milk, honey and choco thats it...
or a ginger tea idk

Assume your thoughts
dropping a little note here to say that I feel okay and confident to assume my notes, journaling and online footprint. This is something that 1) helps me to share my thoughts (being in peace with it), 2) to prove to the world that even in mondain things, there is something important, 3) something that has been noticed and observable phenomenons have certainly a meaning
Texts are just words and letters, this is amazing that we can understand it so let's do what makes us happy if the culture enrich the universe (it does!)

also yaaay new drawing !!



update : journaling.txt

Maybe I should try to write something else than my irl life. My journaling has been focused to describing my activities, my feelings and basically this is "devenu un suivi thérapeutique", that I never take time to read ; I just slap my thoughts and moments here, why ?

It's very snowy outside, very very bright and it comforts me in a Sunday morning. I can hear many activities are happening in the house, but I am hiding under my cover, sometimes glance at the window, watching the snow melts or falling from the sky.

Often letting the door of my bedroom open so the cat can walks in and out
She is quite annoying and slaps my face when I sleep (stupid)
But sometimes my mother or bro passes their head to check in and it makes me highly uncomfortable

them in live... in 2006


I have exam in 10 minutes and I am in the corridor, mediting, staying at distance with everything and everyone
It's already dark outside, my head is empty I am not worried, not stressed I have to success,,,

update : exam went well. Could write even more
Missed my bus, it's heavily raining
Went to retrieve some letter at my old apt, the neighbours changed
I think it was good for me to walk in the snow
Seeing my friend being friend with others friends give me a weird feeling, something like "it's being stolen from me" it itches a corner of my brain ugh but I don't have to feel jealousy, I own no one and I am happy they can enjoy being with nice people, that's the more important

Wrote to my penpal and watched V for Vendetta while doing touch up for my tattoos. pretty nice evening, ate an apple

fave videos of stage play of sweet pool went private and something in me died

music, hope and concerts
Lately I've been listening to a lot of new music (bands I am going to meet soon!) and answering to messages to actually make plans. We are going to see a lovely singer I always loved and reserve a very fancy hotel, I will be in vacation in the month we will travel so I am leaving depression to fly in a little paradise experience 
The city we're going is very crowded and people are sometimes meh but my friends and my soul are good intentioned so everything will be alright
I purchased a Chrome Hearts necklace with the last only little money the state gave us. The politics changed and people who don't work aren't allowed to receive anything now. Well I worked, but I don't agree with the violence they dare to cut people resources. They are making economies in the back of precarised and poor people already. I am lucky that I don't have  a rent to pay anymore, even if my mom said awful things last eve, I am pretty less stressed to live in the family house.

Right now it's heavy blocus and exams, I think I am doing the minimum for these because so much pressure and so I am still learning and trying " it's not hard, it's just new " 
(Actually I am lying, I am working a lot for these)




vkei concerts !!!
GOT TICKETS FOR a vkei festival TEHEHEHE
I truly need another space than ig to express my love for music, engagement for metal and rock 🪨 
Living vkei dide is one of my goal but bro is alone and has no friend who does heavy music with real instruments and/or scream and like to do brats together, having a garage band and an influence is something i don't have and i feel like my life is missing it and I am stepping I walk alongside a dream I can never achieve

dream
Had crazy dreams lately
The sensation of dreaming is very satisfying, it's physically untouchable, it's floating and everything exists because of your mind


sometimes i am sad thinking about the past and how people treated me, hurted me and how much it created so much hate while I am still here  thinking about that.

i must move on. i must get over it 

3/03 it snowed !!!

spend lovely time just before New Year and also money, but it's okay ~~~
We only live once and I don't really go out that often anyways I can buy myself that little treat sometimes



the bro went out and then came back home after
my bro just came home and he said he chat chatted with a young dude named W - S and he said he might know me from StLuc art school and described me as a "little emo"

that is

thats is the vibe i give


smiling sm because I was feeling down thinking my friends don't want my compagny but i ended up writing letters to people I like and i am going to surprise them like booom you might have forgot about me but look i actually really like you and collect stuffs for you all cause i wish you were my homie
i am chuckling all alone in my room surrounded by my plushies

0°c 12:18
ai scrollé pendant 2h

ai préparé mon sac la veille because j'etais too excited to leave home to see friends
je me demande qui il y aura
j'ai fait une salade de carotte et c'est un peu wack et trop salé /devenir caillou mineral


8:17 4°c
So unmotivated by everything everyone 

tt le monde il s'en fich' >:(((

Stole my bro guitar to cope with the emptiness in my kokoro, learned some chords...

It's been more than a week I haven't get out, and the consequences are awful : I wake up super early or aren't able to sleep no more, I do nightmares, very very odd dreams, my own bed feels uncomfortable also my body is

watched Double Mints, 2017.
Asumiko Nakamura's stories are the most immoral thing I ever read about relationship terms, they really push the limits to what can be unbearable, intolerable and heavy. The live action of Double Mints is truly something (link of the film) it is very well done, some scenes hurts and feel very uncomfortable like the original manga.



3°c 16:04
This morning I doomscrolled 2 HOURS of reels. and it activated serotonin, and motivation. How strange and powerful a numerical social media can be a motor or bipolar emotions on human like me.

Anyways it's been a little more than an entire week I haven't went outside, i am freezing inside and idk how I am supposed to survive new year without catching a cold

if it rains i won't go out


Watched Seto&Utsumi, 2016.

reminds me of Shadi, Shirotan & Kuroge and also the meaningless of my life


-4°c 26/12 Solitude became a strength
Nothing planned for new year eve and it makes me sad because I notice that I am not invited by my friends anymore, I am not sure to be a good company and I am scared to ask anybody to join me to do nothing and being bored with me what's this  maybe i should end it to be less sad

When your friends have plans and you're not invited : that's fine that's okay i will be hanging (out) with myself to/with a branch tree dw / drama

ouuuh i remembered when I took the bus that I noticed that (asian) person wandering randomly and I told myself : i wanna be like that. And felt a intense admiration towards them
i guess it will be the thought about an ideal and me against the world!

it has always been like that
Solitude became a strength

update : I talked to my bro about how I feel about new year eve and the bro related

Decided to write on paper my feelings 📜 
Maybe I should write a letter to the city ?


woah so cool

DMMD ON SWITCH
HAHA NO WAY DMMD on Nintendo switch
Can you release room n°9 pleaz

25/12 -4°c
It's very frosty cold here
I wonder is little birds are okay...

keeping distance with everything and everyone is what protects me from the world

3°c, it's cold and i am typying synthesis


Youji...........


I am going to meet her

Guilty Anna Tsuchiya

I am feeling like they step in my private space
Everytime I receive message from someone I feel invaded
je me sens envahi.e, il faut que je repousse en m'éloignant
the urge to

so I watched Nana again.
and it feels so real so nostalgic and powerful, so true

I want to have a love story like Nana or NOTHING

loud concerts, cigs, snow, intensity and distance
Lucky hasard &
Independance

Vacation, study and lack of interaction
mmmmh being in vacation, but the obligation to study
I don't want interaction but i kind of want it
I have sent the letters to my friends and it sucked my soul out now i need to restore (and read)

dry phone
sitting on the floor
alone
I wanna be someone's dog

me coming hometown after 7hours of walking straight the whole night; hmm henlo?


Books and gifts
Very happy. I found books and adorable gifts for my friends, some of them are leaving for Asia, and so I am hibernating until they come back (I must study for my exams, I must pass and get my diploma) 
I took care of myself, noting everyday in my diary (writing notes in my notebook), eating tangerines, they're delicious.
Every night I go to sleep being so happy to be in my bed. Every night I dream and overthink to be cuddle by someone / anyone, every night my cat steps on my face (stupid)
I am drinking water and tea, and water and tea and water and tea
My friends take so much good care of me
I am very sage but also very evil sometimes

Concert ? and book of Anna Dostoievska
HAD A VERY GOOD DAY.
Hesitating to go to France for a concert: Anna Tsuchiya aaaaahhhhhhhhh
also found a book : the diary of Anna Dostoievska from 1867

update : got ticket for concert, it means I must stay alive until april


went out
went out to eat raclette with friends in a hangar aha
I kind of had to insist to join which bugs me a little
They probably wouldn't invite me if i hadn't came yesterday "vy don't like to eat in public anyway" (have the same problem with karaoke and thing "envy doen't really like to sing anyways" and so people stop inviting me)
When I arrived i saw the sight of someone, and i struggle to remove their face from my mind that was showing a "what are you doing here ?" :///
Feeling pitiful, I was feeling pitiful

But everything went well, really well. I did my best to be enjoyable, maybe I was more joyful than usual (i was the youngest at the table) and tried to bring happiness, games, subjects and even veggie lol
It's truly a blessing, but it was my first ever raclette with friends and i really enjoyed it


We got one life !! Go where you wanna go !! (in the bed zzzz mimimi sayonaradios)

6°c it's cold again
buying paint and finding motivation
seeing someone i used to love, ignoring them
i am so sad

9/12 14°c Spent a very very nice day today
Talked about my favourite film (Sala Samobójców) in polski class, it really puts me in an incredible mood because the teacher knew about it !!!! special wink y'know
also went to buy some wool (got red, yellow, brown, creamy white and sweetie N offered me some pink, green and dark brown) to make some supah cute hats, gloves, shapes or anything soft... ✨💖
i feel guéris là jvj
also bought some biscuits au Okay (the choccy flowers shaped) and drank a coffee at Coin Culture 

we learned about godzina (time, heure) in polski and i really struggle with numbers I must train and exerce !!!

Wanted to buy some soap but couldn't find the violet one so I gave up and went out the store without buying anything (rare)!!! proud of not feeling the urge to buy stuffs 

I don't get people who are lying
who are lying even for simple things
this is just bad

how am I suppose to trust you if you tell lies ? 
this is just make me very desperate about humanity 

it's really rainy outside
idk what kind of activities this weather is destined to...

scrolled through "uni aesthetic and positive thoughts" to motive myself........ "this is no hard, it's just new"
there is so much and so I must master everything 

I can say that I am scared about my polish exam, I must train, listen and speak, write also
My will go travel there and to meet polish people and to go to polish stores nyuuhhh give me lots of hope
Like " I can't die before doing it "
There are several polish stores in the city and i am very curious about that
Also I found a really pretty book about a story of a white rabbit who hurts itself and it's really dear to me
Must mention my favourite film is polish... Dominik and Sylwia.... my soul mates.
L, J, B, R, E and Paramaya are polish too. I dearly love my friends, even if it's an indirect link (I don't love my friends because of their origins)
My first best friend at primary school (do we say elementary school?) is polish, their mom's name is Lilyanna ♥️
My teacher's name is very cute too it's Michalina and she is adorable. I had it pretty bad when she saw me walking around the campus instead of going to her class (because I decided to sleep that morning ooups, I needed it) hopefully i didn't write her an email saying that I was sick or whatever pitiful lie I could invent because I was just painting all night (/Towa's routine)

Forgot my pencil case at home... no reason to stay at uni

Had to runnnn under the rain, dashing to my bus stop

i hope you budinternetpeople actually don't read my blog

i am cooked
thinking of just disabling follow here because it is too much it is too much i should have done this earlier fuck and I might move soon my domain and forever leave the exposure because we're hitting limits

ihatesexihatepeopleihatebodies
ihatebacteriasihateodoursihatehumans

i don't remember what was the film I saw where someone shouts "don't have sex! stop having sex!" in a school and fight with a cutter, this scene is engraved in my mind

note : it's Love Exposure

woah stories on ig are the most temporary useless bullshits ever

Ate and still hungry

I witnessed a discussion between the most seducing woman ever talking on the phone with her date (another woman) in the tram just behind me /blushing

Had a very amazing evening wandering through streets and trashing all night along nrv.vnr

Today I went out, everything appears me so grey and gloomy

it's 00:04 i have uni tomorrow and i clicked on this
of course this is my mo-m-e-n-t. no one can stops me /internet lagging
fuck

nyu
 
Today I went to uni as usual
and actually it was a pretty chill and good day because 1) had soup 2) spend time with a person i find cool 3) offered a waffle for the birthday of a classmate 🧇 they're born on 2nd December, they like to draw, I always wanted to offer them a manga but I have to get it somewhere in my cardboards

looking at my dry phone in class and being like "uhm uh i don't have the same motivation anymore"
update : it's play, it's just winter approaching
Must get this diploma, then starting all over again
I want to learn architecture, medecine, arts, travel, communicate, inform people, help, and love.

i just want to be under water sometimes

Consuming my own memories... I don't know if it's good. Retracing the path I took when listening at music, spending time to feel again the lyrics, the sounds, the feelings... It puts me in a very weird mood, it really feels like a cloud or a bubble, far away my reality.

It will always be a part of me. everything I went through, I listened, I tasted. It just displayed here somehow so I don't forget

ok stop dep : TITTUTUTUTUUTITIITURUTUTUT




lol i cried at 3am listening at this one
It really reflected how I felt in the past