quests
Maybe I should buy better paper (soon)
where ?

- The Hejter (2020) https://m.ok.ru/video/2479726791229 1:32:35
- post vinted package
- print art and vinted
- must correct my fautes de frappes dans cours de droit ugh
- draw Makoto...
- upload Clean Dishes screenshots ✅
- having myself a proper meal
- niedziela : kino o osmej (this makes me stressed) - cancelled ✅
- crochet another emo scarf 
- learning more guitar chords
- digidrawa bird nest, sewerboyos
- OC wearing a chair (OCSN tag)

Rokee gift for the cacahuete (27/02) : 4.0 calligraphy pen + marker, lunettes swag de ski, carnet cousu, damn packs the sticker 

- pass to Mains d'Or avec stickers
- 68 : remplir mon marker Montana

- meeting peluche
- meeting junkjournal

things I want to do : 
- I really want to print massively and stick/glu messages for citizen and society. Something like : "why are we just accept things ? Economy in a capjtalist society is destroying our social structures", "Government didn't ask our advices, we should collaborate", "Have you ever thought about well-being indicator instead of budget deficit" I miss my engaged manga stickers, I miss sticking papers all around the city. It's rainins and I feel like everybody is giving up while the cops are using sns, sneaking profiles and surveillance grows. We can talk about politic, we can change things



a little bit more positive because I feel like bad when throwing immediate thoughts on the web

There is sun, it's 12:19 and I am heading home. Not staying at uni because I have stuffs to do at home and have 4 hours break. It's cold outside. But it's warm in the bus. Heard a girl behind me saying of another girl "she is my crush". Haven't saw the history students peep in class today. Today's digital challenge class was about mental health and body images/appearance., we have a very consequent written task to prepare for two weeks. My hair is very ugly, asymmetrical and i want to colour them in a darker tone. I am listening White sparrow and life is good...

j'me suis fait peta mon bic
y a une femme qui parle hyper fort derrière moi dans le bus

HUH I traversé la rue tout à l'heure et au même moment, au même endroit je croise queer cashier /mais dans ma meilleure forme jvj je viens de snip ma frange ✨ /iel semblait marmonner chose genre pas content ouuuh

I swear i fall ill again because of these people coughing in my back in the auditorium iwillkms
i hate hearing those dude talking it pissed me off,really, i am easily iritated lately.

everypony maybe i should go live somewhere in England


Chúc mừng năm mới!!
Happy lunar new year 🔥




sometimes i am irrational
i want everything and I get jealous and I am telling myself, enraging :

" why are they taking them away from me ?"
stay away
i am so envious
it's insane

i am in a very destructive mind state lately

i just should stop checking social medias

saw a rainbow 🌈 
sick in bed, contemplating hours

but also... somewhere in the web

bonjour. yapyapyapyapyap
yapyaoyapyaoyapyap
yaoiyapyaoiyapyaoi

reading my books hmmm headache uuuuu
Jestem chora and I tiptapped an email to the teacher but apparently I sent it to the whole class. oops

Wave suggests me some yoai to read uh-uh yesterday while our interactions: Colour recipe from Harada and I recommended them Naked Color from Amamiya

I like our moments, our exchanges ///
I am trying to take time to properly answer them by email. I wonder if we will ever be able to meet, I asked how tall are they (I was curious okey)

While I was reading Albertine Sarrazin 's book, it started to heavily rain. The sky was very very dark and grey and suddenly the sun shows up... Which mean : a rainbow appears ! 🌈 I do know : it's a blessing, a sign of being lucky at a (very short !) moment and being at a place to observe it. You can not not enjoying a rainbow. I feel the same about relationships I feel connected to, I just start to love and thinking that I am lucky. I am lucky to live at the same moment with them.

Felt very happy to be at home today, to work from my little bedroom. If I was at school I couldn't see the gayflag in the sky lol and I probably ends up all wet because of the rain and even more sick 🌧️ 

Tried to watch Hejter (2020) yesterday in polski subtitled in spanish but it was hard lol I think it's a good film tho, the realisator is the same as Sala samobójców 

took a nap.

I want to feel something, I want to be loved and I actually feel important and loved when I see that I can share my drawings online and connect with people.


wokeup and was gladly surprised to seeeeeee that post on magma :::::::: our boyooossss drewn cuddling in bed and allllll ❤️‍🩹
Waveee aaaaahhhhhhhh they drew our OC 


Must tattooing their arts inside my eyelids I DON'T KNOWWW


they're saving meeeeeeeeeeeee
my sons, friends, lovers, dowgz and AAAAHHHH they're saving my life




knives and razorblades in the throat

cough cough cough coughh
i am sick :C

saw sun
gave me hope and happiness
thankyu

https://youtu.be/XphLFeGRu-0?si=ZTGJJ00ik1ZaZCns
wave's answered

I want to draw Makoto
and Mesange and Magpie


you shoudln't read notes, journal, diaries of people you know
When it's not destinated to you...
At your own risk

wokeup with uuuuh headache
ptdr j'ai trop mal
j'me sens trop mal
mais j'vais pas m'éterniser : faut que je dorme ca fait entièrement partie de la raison 

tried to draw a little bit yesterday but unsuccessfully, my head hurts and it wasn't fun

depressed, irritable, sick
I am feeling very guilty for not being able to be better

little teary red drops glued in the inside of my sleeves

felt the pain in class and isolate myself (in toilet) to see how it's going on : it's beautiful, it's beautiful
it makes me stronger

carved in my skin a little heart and the 4x the sentence : "I OWN ME"

It's mid february and I feel so angry, my cursus is hard, my motivation is down
who was i before all of this ? I want to catch back my happiness

I can't even cry, I am craving

update : woke up with horrible headache ouughh uhhh nyuh
the sky is so white
mom is yelling in the morning 
spreading negativity 
we finally spoke quietly, consciously about how stressed we both are
I blame society, she blame herself
it's cold and grey outside, the sky is so white and so bright it hurts my eyes and head even more

screen hurts too so I might disconnect

I want to answer to Wave tonight



struggled a lot but now it's weekend
heyo ! This week seemed sooo long. I was so tired on Wednesday and Thursday, but hey, we did it !! Hopefully I had the chance to eat well. So dope cantine food miam
I had few mental breakdowns because of uh, hurting and lack of sleep

But I talked and saw my friend this afternoon and it was very lovely and kind, and I remember how much I love my friends everytime I see them

I was invited to a birthday but yo at 21h ? bro I can't fomo but heeee i just can't teleport, being everywhere, having the energy for everyone (without having the certitude I won't be deceitful) sad because i am sure cool artists will attend there. Maybe I am not that cool because I live far away now and like my little tea and doodles evening. I can feel how i am losing touch with some friends ahaha it's scary. I hope they still like me


Finding myself humming Mirai Nikki this morning and remembered that I started writing notes inspired by it.
I hadn't much friends at school and started to type on my phone, pretending I had someone to talked to (back then when we got phone in end of primary / secondary school)
while I was just describing things in a maniac way

I just want to do something creative and fun but it seems stress, lack of sleep and wanting to d*e fuck my mind up

Some people are just living the life I want to life and I am just stuck here
Pretending everything will be alright
I am watching their ideals 
And I am staying in my corner, witnessing my body rots (it hurts)

my skin itches


I should go to sleep now because life makes me irritable and sad

I was stupid to scroll through insta when i just had a mental breakdown

received encouragements for understanding my political economic course and it means a lot uh-uh

succeed theorie de la communication 
am i becoming a communicator weapon ? not at all
but now, I understand how it works hehehe

sighs when peeps around you aren't in the same fandoms so you just gotta yap to yourself

Dark thoughts accompany me in my journey
Also had a vivid conscious dream of my OC Nheira & Ruby. my boys. Deity and human ; pushing the limits of bodmod. huh. I feel unsensitive about cutting lately so having them makes me feel alive.
C shout they would give scarifications as a service and I might be quite interested for that. Down for anything that can make me bleed the guts out honestly
Becoming insane, full of rage, dark thoughts 
Dark thoughts accompany me in my journey

Listened at Bar time OST Slow Damage and Clean Dishes. it soothed me

"quick social interactions make me feel bad, I need to know people deeper, I need long discussion and calm environment to learn about them. I am not very into fast meeting"

a friend peta me 10balls idk if they noticed, i won't insist but this is not right 

i wish i ate

huh u feel terrible
should i krilll mslf

should I cancel meetings
i feel like I am forcing myself to accept people compagny because of date, i really want to "stop time", dates mean nothing

my head hurts so bad, I need sleep and water i think.


10°, brain wokes me up at 5:11

ughh I have a full day of class and social interactions and my brain is full, I feel stressed and my body hurts, I don't know how to manage the massive work that is arriving 

I must tell myself : hours class are interesting, my brain is never full and it needs to process (at a quick rythm cependant comme le veut la routine universitaire) : i am becoming an academic weapon, I must reduce stress by taking care of myself (seeing friends, making good around me, offering presents, eating well, wearing cool and comfy clothes), I will find ways to resolve everything it step by step.

Should I push myself to go and see people? I can cancel anytime. I must be aware of my strength and bot pushing myself too hard


Yesterday I received a big red package by the postal service and it was a real surprise : C sent me news and love and thingies and I feel revigorated. I want to thanks them as much as possible, they really impress me, like they always do
still processing

we have to go to the beach together this summer, a promise, it's a promise


uni group work  i am losing my shit
oouuuhh first group work at uni has just been announced : I am fucked, I want to ddddie

actually, it can be interesting uh.
The work is massive, we have to work in a group of 4 members, write a paper of 25000 signs max. 2 interviews of juridical personalities.
if I understood it well, we have to discuss about thematics we sawww in class and make links with an external law referenced subject ? Any ideas ?
The law about immigration, law about PROJECT law, law about social medias and reglementation/rules, law about this and that

Teacher asked me what is law : i must remember, it's a set of rules who govern the relationships between people in a society (?)
Law is evolutive.
Law is the representation of ideals of a society, it's a point of view defined by norms (which are values) and people.
Law can be defined has a way to impose order and contraints.
Depending the point of views law can be a freedom (like protecting freedom of expression) or the opposite (repress a behaviour)

french blabla
bruh not in the same subject but whevener I have to talk in front of people I am feeling so stressed that I carrément perd mon slip frerrr c'est gênant stop

"gurl you're divine"
my thought when i see some people talking, i will never have this aura never ever
i am so quiet, silly, uncomfortable 

I involuntary give a bad image of me, unserious and goofy 
I hope people don't perceive me as someone stupid ?? well at least i am trying ??? i feel so much exposure 




even a gangsta like me need a little forehead kiss sometimes...

wokeup at 5:38
my brain is stupid
I have class in the end of afternoon... 
So I am drawing characters on paper right now (my clean street sewer crew, four birds boyos, my kat as a human,...) Doodling. It's been a while. I like drawing, I am certain of it. The subjects I draw often changes (the desire to masterize different styles but never do anything productive enough to be noticeable) and I am never good enough so they're just therapeutic doodle. Time killing and satisfaction ? That's why I like to draw for others people, or adding lore to OC. I must reflecting more when I draw and before I start scratching paper. I don't have much time and energy so I must produce what I want to express !



about my cat : she is injured behind the neck
My cat has been fighting a lot lately, she came home with lots of scars (are yu okay girly?.. it seems a male cat is following her around and bullying her, the cat came moewing in front of my window last night and my mimiiew got mad ; she jumped on my table and fucked up everything)
I am worry about her, but she us still very cuddly and sleep with me, sometimes she is scared to go outside 

english course vocabulary : specific definition: clearly defined or identified.

I was thinking of criminology lesson : is disuasion truly working ?
disuasion definition : the action or process of trying to persuade someone not to take a particular course of action.

update of today (monday, february) : i am okay, well and I finished class earlier !


i don't understand how people do activities on weekend when they have a 5/7 full schedule

uni beats me up every week

Nothing makes me more happy than my cat, leek pasta, illustrations of vn, news from people I love, journaling, trinkets and being warm under my cover during a weekend

La fable du colibri


I lost my phone the third day back to uni
hi there "long time no see", it's been... three days. lol. Being chronicly online makes me realize how attached to phone I am. Well, I lost my device and bro, some stars watch over me because a friend of mine found it in the campus. like what
I was so lost, panicked and I had done the mourn of it during the day. I cried a lot in the toilet, aha. lame moment. I cried and it reminds me of Aki. Crying because you are sad, it's valid. but also crying is very useless and makes you feel like shit honestly.
What bugs me is the thoughts I had. Suspecting people from my class, feeling like I neglect myself. I questioned my sociability.
Maybe I am able to live without being so much connected.
I will try maybe to reduce my digital imprint, I stopped posting so much (lack of interest, and not wanting to be seen, not wanting interactions from mainstream social networks) and living on alternative ways to express myself and chat with people (by mail, letters or in journal, reading diaries also)
The ritual has been broken and it was a shock. I think I am changing and everything that happen feel like an experience (and not signs, "sign of life")
I am also very grateful to my friends and to people who kindly help, are empathic : this is very precious
A friend of mine said : maybe if you give back lost items, karma will proceed and give you back what you lost. I am personally trying to be less believer in spirituality but I know the energies count. Just try, always try your best to be kind and respectful to the world. People can be kind in return.

"Faith in humanity is restored"


it's cold and I forgot to bring the gloves I sewn because stupid administrative sheets that took me the whole morning idiot idiot

2°c, 6:57, 3-02-26, Hair tragedy
I woke up very early because of a funny dream.

and thought of how I cut my hair and  lost my mystery wolf aura to a cute silly puppy. I don't know. This is how I feel. Cut my hair too short in the front and there is a longer side, it feels all crooked and weird, and I feel funny when I pass in front of a mirror like "what's is this creatura, this looks stupid" and then giggling because I really look stupid and it's fine
My hair always been pitch black when I was kid but when I grew up it started to become ORANGE black like what am i ginger 
so I sometimes colour it to crow black but got a heavy itchy itch allergy
I really wanted to have it blue like Aoba God but hm i can't it hurts too much and my skin has terrible condition so i sad


bento box
Found some bentobox pictures and other goofy food inspiration 

1) tomato box
2) Metostagram & his restaurant
3) very tiny pocket snack box

I am a very massive eater even if my parameters are uuh 42kg ???
I think I eat too much sugar. Idk maybe I should try to do a diet like a week without sugar just to start and managing to replace it with other thing : fruit like apples, blueberry, bananas, orange, peaches.
and salty snacks with edamame, carrots, cucumber.
In fact I am very addicted to crunchy texture like toasted bread, fresh cooked noodles or pasta. I just could infinitely swallow this and feel it because my tongue is BORED. At this point I just should brush my teeth everytime I am hungry because the toothpaste I have atm taste awful uh

hehe I am not restricting myself !! I just think it should be interesting to change eating habits, finding alternative to rafined sugar to enjoy it more !


a special shrine for a special friend ?
I want to do a special shrine for Wave, a little special page with stuffs we collected : arts, musics, memories, pictures... but i am scared to be too much maybe



I am slow, I need time
I am almost sad to leave this week of vacation to go back to routine. it was so much fun to draw when it's raining outside
I know that uni is going to make me feel stressed, schedule will be fucked up, i am going to miss informations and such important things. I am going to miss my online friends also which makes me even more sad

Everything is going to be so fast soon and that's scary
i am slow I need time

Everything is going to be alright.
Do things you have to do, be on time, be aware, trust yourself and lock important rhings in your brain, everything is here !



just discovered OCSN.
bye instagram bye

did I broke the link -
changed name of the page because i smell furry


Woke up at 7am
We are in February!
I took a nap yesterday night and woke up super early !! I am now in a good mood, aligned with the sun to write, drink an earl grey, try to draw a little bit. It's my last day of vacation. I should focus on something I really want to do.
I want to write a mairu-mailuu to Wave. asap, because I will probably disappear from magma from now... it makes me so sad. I want to gift them something, I started to draw our OC on paper as well.

I know that I can connect my tablet everytime I need it. I am not losing  I am not losing

For the past years, I haven't drew much, no energy nor time after uni. I told myself it was okay, because I need to learn new things, and I applied in my other universe, the things I've learnt. Characters are really dear to me, there is something I want to tell through them... but also help other to understand me and understand diversity. I still want to support the people I shared drawing with. Caring, reaching out ; it's so important.

update : I talked about it to a uni friend (hi little Yen), and they told me : i can re-live the rotting bedroom moment anytime in the future
and it cheers me up, it's reassuring , it's true


Neocities village
update : aww got a nice interaction with sanji on nc, I hope the stars will align 🌟 and we will draw together! also I wish they will find a stable solution for their accommodation, moving out is always a challenge. I hope all the best for this little person

I adore my neocities neighbours even if I am scared to interact with people, I do admire them very muchhhu


When your uni schedules align well ✨

I think what makes me drown in stress are the unforeseen circumstances
But its inevitable, it always happens
It is likelife is testing you of how you can handle situations
uguuh a day en français blabla
j'la sens un peu mid cette journee
bien que jai commencé à lire Histoire de ma vie de G. Sand, c'était très bien, peut être que j'aurai du rester dans mon lit ajd
j'arrete pas de delayer des quests
Aucune indication que mon bus passe, greve partout, jsuis coincé là où j'suis grrr

oh bus passe
16:25 à cet instant, je me suis dis que la luminosité était very soft et lovely
je suppose qu'iel est à peine en train de s'éveiller 

suis passé à la poste ! ai réussi !! deux lettres en chemin ~

ensuite, soirée jeux de société, cartes Magic
outfit : chemise avec des roses bleues, t-shirt metal, chrome hearts necklace, pantalon gris et queue de loup ~~~ echarpe avec des BIGPAWS je transpire le furry et y a des loups sur ma veste
il fait froid dehors
je me suis trompet de chemin 
ai trouvé un puffy stickers penguin et étoile par terre
ai montré mon tattoo à mes amis !!!

je rejoins D ce soir, pas de concert,
est-ce qu'on va zoner ?
ai bu un caprisun de sous marque, on a mangé du riz grillé et D m'a raconté son voyage, le SEL DE FOURMI jpp
on m'a racompagné à la maison en voiture (blessed by the adult life)

Ce soir c'est Clean Dishes... (j'ai pété le lave vaisselle en plus je crie)




After god (manga)
must dig

2°c, 30-01-26
I am so happy to go home to be connected tonight

Rues grises et flammes dans mon esprit
update : my tattoo is perfect !!

i just
i just broke my headphones in the street NOOOOOO and passing near the person I find very cool in my town (butch queer cashier)
double NOOOOOOO

1) inondation dans la cave 💀
2) ai pété mon casque dans la rue 💀
3) ai croisé mon crush avec mon casque débile et pété sur la tête (sayonaradios) 👁️
4) nouveau ttt today 👁️ flamme parfaite par Ez le sanggg
5) run after the bus and got it ! Bought catfood
6) Wave drew a traditional art of our dowgs !!!!!!! & they are so cute !!!
7) drew until 4am because it was so much fun, we made a mini convention with cosplayed gayfruits and balls


11:13, 1°c, 29/01
Going to take a drawing break ?? My arm hurts so much uuuwuuhouu
Today I am getting a new tattoo so I am EXCITED

magma worm is eating my brain and it's eating my old parasites
So happy that I am drawing again. It is soooooo satisfying and comforting, really. Drawing is so fun, sharing drawing and seeing people interacting aaahhh I missed that feeling. I made some friends online and they are very dear to me
I think it heals something inside my corpse ; actual habits started to fade because all my focus goes on drawing for & with people. I stopped being sick not eating or eating too much, I am just scribbling on my tablet and drinking tea, even if my eyes hurrrrts, my mood and mental state seems stable




Went to sleep at 5am, got up at 2pm, 4°c, end of January
It was sooo much fun we drew OCS online with Wave and they're so amazing
we chatchatted about our lives and random things, hopefully i am not awkward as before and know how to handle a conversation because I was sweating the whole five hours we were drawing together 
We have 6 hours time difference so it was very late when I drag myself to bed zzz

This morning, I read a little bit my book ; scelled the letters I was about to send to my friends, drank earl grey 
random funny interaction :
My roomate bro came in my room and said "i am a merde humaine" because they postponed and cancelled all their appointments today (and so did I hahahahaha), we are fucked up but it's so fun that I can relate with bro... same house, same shit

Didn't go the post office in my town yet : they move it AT THE TOP OF THE HILL so I am very lazy to go and it's cold outside brrr

I miss my friends
but I feel so loved and it makes me all sweet and kind



Craving mandarinaaaa & tiramisu hehe dessert time ! & magma !


I validated my law course... I am becoming an academic weapon.


1°c 1:21 end of January
It feels weird to notice how much you can change in... one week, one month, three months, six months... one year... 
Consistency isn't eternal, time always moves, period time changes but the things I enjoyed (still like them) and activities I used to do never last long.
I feel unstable because of this. Why am I not able to keep the same diary ? the same place ? the same handwriting ? Why am I not able to keep the things like they were before ?
Humans are constantly evolving every day. They develop themselves. They must change and move.

A motionless swamp is destined to sleep forever. Still water brings diseases.

And so to avoid death, you must move on ?




-2°c 13:15 Today it's Monday. Yesterday I walked a looot with my friend, we went to a cafe after our painting session and it was sooo cold outside but it was so fun also. E offered us the coffee because she was working there ! She is very very lovely. When I wanted to loudly thank her, everybody was speaking at the same time so I wasn't sure she heard and it makes me feel internally awkward : do people hear me when I speak ?
My voice is pretty low I think, I met many asian with the same low tone as me

Doodling until late


I slept the whole morning because I spend such a fun night !! I connected to draw online and met the person who drew Slow Damage characters with me yesterday!!! We drew OC (our dowgs) together the whole evening, and honestly I was still blushing when I covered my head under the sheets in the bed.

I wonder if we could be friend or something ~

Today we're going out to paint ! LET'S GO!
Since I discovered the steps counter on my phone (phone I must clean), I enjoy to walk more. This is a very "digital native" feature which adds a real will to move and has consequence of my mobility, I know, this makes me sounds very dependent of technology and question the essential ways of what we truly need (motivation ??
Anyways, I am going out for quests and mainly to walk to burn the calories I stocked eating too much during the winter lol

update : I walked 13866 steps !

I am motivated! Also going with R is super fun and nice


the place where I belong to

ok ok ok I spend the most chill evening ever, drawing on digital like before when I was kid in my teenager room
And we also started to draw yaoi on a page and it was insanely fun


I FINISHED MY EXAMMMM HIYAAAAAA


I want to draw online as SOON AS POSSIBLE on magma when my exam finishes tomorrow : https://magma.com/art-jams/live


This is not a myth... when you start missing too much rendez-vous, people stop inviting you. This is not a myth and maybe they just forget you exist because you're quiet. And you're quiet because you're just your room longing death

7°c. There is sun reflecting on the white walls in the kitchen. It dazzles my eyes while I am studying my last exam for tomorrow (on SATURDAY, who is cruel enough to do this-), then I will have one week to rest.
It's pretty warm under the veranda, near the garden, I saw little birbs. They're so cute and downy. Red little robins.
I wonder what I am going to do during next week, there will be strikes in the capital. The governement decides to cuts all the the allowances granted to the unemployed, leaving them without solutions or security so the population is angry, very angry. I might be stuck in town, I wanted to go to the post-office maybe, and resume the book I am reading. Revolution can be quiet, revolution can be in every act you do.



Every kind act is a protest.

This page is a tribute to all pandas, but also is a new little clean space where I will share things on the web. 

Journaling is so much fun !!!
A lovely friend offered me little panda stickers and I adore them so much I has to scan them. My friend who just started coding is so kindhearted, and everything they do and bring in the world are a blessing for the heart, soul and eye (they're really unique)
Every friend who does journaling, scrapbooking and like to read and write, and have similar activities (calligraphy (+bonus point of dokidoki  if they started doing lettering before knowing me), stickers making, collecting trinkets) or like the same references as me are immediately accomplished to be my friend. It's like, they validated the test. You do art ? Let's be forever friend, I will support you if you support me, we will do art together. You like Nitro+Chiral ? You're totally deranged, but I love that, you understand real suffering and I get that, you're my bro now, we can meet even if you live at the opposite polarity of the earth.

Don't mind about me lalala
Might ramble about episodes and tasks

PANDAPAAAN

things that makes me happy :
- wave
- heartshaped cuts
- fresh bread in the morning 🍞 
- waking up around 7am
- not being late
- uni !!! when schedule are aligned 
- junkjournal
- counting on my friends
- offering precious things to them when it's important
- sleeping with my cat on a Sunday
- watching the blue sky from my window in the morning
- tiramisu with banana and speculoos and raspberries


If you ever step here knowing me, press ctrl+f4 or
read this
If you know me irl : Discretion is advised. Respect the fact, this is my personal little space. Sharing my thoughts to the web is a way to stop repressing my emotions, which I usually hide in the reality. Might talk about unpleasant stuffs, maybe very comforting events or whatever can fit in a personal diary; but this is a very solitary place and don't want any comments or interactions about how and what I live. Please respect the fact I don't want anybody to intrude my personal space.

If you ever need to contact me : ninjaweb.neo@gmail.com


(Sorry but i am just very shy irl and get very very easily embarrassed /// haha)



+ read Lawless Kids (Yuto Sano)
+ discovered Gokurakugai

end 1 : dowgs.

end 2 : not watched yet

bad end 1 : uuuh i just finished it and it was the most awful scene I ever experienced what the fuck (with room no9 scenes)
The discomfort is heavy (+with the music and atmosphere) with the restraints, the feeling of loneliness and injustice make you crazy, Baku roars are so real and it's so painful to watch wow
I feel very concerned about Kimika's mental health. It seems he wants to separate Baku and Shiro so badly, spoiler alert: he is probably one of the weirdest cruel antagonist who hide his suffering and despair under A SMILE like what, you're so insanely crazy bro. His usual joyful tone adds creep. Also he might be jealous about the two protag relationships, even if he works in pair with Kuu, it seems Kuu doesn't know shit about his workpartner. Kuu probably could be an amazing savior for Kimika. Awesome strong man.
The fact Kimika is manipulative and also a danger to others (is he conscious of this ? it seemed not because he started to to this as an exit to his own suffering and affection about death and was surprised of the magnitude of Hare's Nest), it's very worrying to witness the real impact on younger people. Giving missions (like the music episode ??? that's hard) and actually having material consequencs (the state of SOME rooms, deads) is insane, but also kind of... very attracting. In a way, some people could find a mysterious site which speaks about how death can be an exit and actually express a subject about distress, this pain that can rely people with each other. Showing off how far you can go, actually pushing limits of yourself and feeling not alone anymore. That's a power of SNS, people can connect together with more of less points in common. What is intriguing and revolutionary about this VN is the way they mix real society problem (suicide and depression) with social medias (influences and self-expression that can be meaningfull to others ; responsability)




bad end 2 : ".. Because I wanted to." "Baku, do you know that person ? The one with the scars all over their body who is rumored to sleep with anyone. He's a guy." I only saw a glimpse of him, but he had scars on his face and hands. When I remembered that, I was envious. It's like a living medal." "I'll leave a bite mark, if that's what you want." (...) but it'll disappear... I will feel lonely. It would be best if Baku cut me" (ripppppppp sayonaradios-) A glimmer of expectation shone in Shiro's eyes. I looked back at him with mixed feelings. Baku can you cut me ? (Why do you don't grant my wish ?) HUHH Shiro won, Baku had lost

I feel sorry, I feel so sorry...