AKABANKA !!!!!!!!

インク (Ink) - Plastic Tree

12:44 I need this to wakeup in the morning...

How do you deal with things that make you feel bad ? Most of the time I notice it's - people that makes me feel bad, wrong. Somehow confrontations aren't bad, right ? Confrontation helps to understand what are your limits (what are the limits ?) Confrontation makes you learn how to act sincerely, in your way (the wiser and calmer the best) to explain your feelings. Find solutions. Explain. Find the words.

Went to buy some fruits (peaches !), tomatoes, salmon, random stuffs to eat. I really feel uninspired about the things I want to stuff myself with, I never know what to cook, otherwise I just don't take time to cook. I wanted to buy edamame but the price is so high what (6€ for some edamame ? no way)

10:36, Heyo everymieow, last weekend I went to buy myself a new scrapbook ! It has little flowers on it ~ very pretty... I havent finished the one I started yet, but the notebooks start to be well filled it makes the shape puffy. I want to write more ! I want to love this life as much as I can. Fill it with kindness, natural compassion, goodwill. Like a wholesome journal. We made a bookbinding workshop with friends at an OPAC event, and I told myself I only want to fill it with happy, simple, kind thoughts mehehe but I wonder where I should put my dark things as long as they are still a part of me ? I can not throw on the internet so much negativity and leave it like tha, you know. That's why we all should watch what we say, and to who you say the words. Negativity surely exist like the day and the night. We all have our ways to cope with it. I have several blackbooks I scelled and wrote my darker thoughts. (I think there are still have some room in it) Every moment are important, sometimes you shouldn't force yourself to write, sometimes it just become a way of self-expression, and a proof that you are alive and present. Sometimes it is surely a more serious work, and you must be precise with your terms. Recently, I always go out with "les papiers de poche" which is just a A4 folded in 8 and a pen. Whenever I have to wait or am in transportation I will write. These mini notes are very important to me. They are what I see and how I word them, instantly, spontaneously. I keep a little pile of these notes at the corner of my desk. They don't really fit in a notebook so it's just... there. I love seeing the little filled calendar and read all the successes and accomplishments ! they call it hobonichi in japanese. This year, I told myself I wanted to be more confident and kind, and sweet and happy. But my actual mindset has degrading itself and I became very very dark, wanting to destruct and paint the world in black. How scary are the difference between the ambitions and the person you actually are. I also think, moving from the capital will change me. In a good way I hope ? We will see in following autumn entries...

hehehe artfight teams revealed !!!!!! team fossils !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When they are talking about their pet, show each others pictures of their cats and dare to not show them to me >:+(((

Watching The Hours (2002) about the writer Virginia Woolf (link) "It'a about a woman who seems extremely confident. And she is having a party. And maybe because she is confident people thinks he is fine but she isn't."

Went to see K-mi for their birthday at the potager and they gave me potatoes

gurls who like gurls

eating little tartines with mayo and tomato and ciboulette (chives, the french name is so hilarious) make me incredibly full of joy

Managed to go to sleep early and wake up early. I wanted to do my hair my bro has no time (maybe this morning ? update : nope, decided to staring blankly my screen instead)

3:13 Good evening everynyan, I finished watching the whole stage play of Sweet Pool (thankyu again monsieurdoll for sharing it!) and it just makes me remember howww much I love this visual novel. Shironuma seems so much more sweet than in the actual game, idk I really feel like his character leaves less impact than Zenya, which is a cursed and problematic character but somehow shares a pretty relatable point of view. The stageplay is truly amazing, breathtaking, still can't believe all the efforts in the scenes, this is incredible. Soundtracks are beautiful, giving reminescences of heavy memories... Reading a novel is like opening a door of a universe, but a visual novel is a real immersive experience because it adds layers of feelings with the graphics, voices, sounds... This is just a new way of litterature I think, it's powerful.

(+) Makoto Mita deserve love

Makoto Mita is a character in the visual Sweet Pool, he is the friend of the main character Youji. Makoto seems to be a very cheerful young man, a pretty sociable character, he likes to invite friends to go eat, and seems to easily make friends. The type of personality who seems friendly and joyful often hide a deep part of inconfidence as a paradox. The fear of abandonment is real in his concerns and witnessing his friend slowly replacing him with another friend makes him feel pathological jealousy. The loneliness makes him attempt suicide by medication overdose. He also appears with a cutter in an illustration and he wears large wrist bracelet. Even if he seems an extraverted person, some signs show that he might have precedent disorders. In the bad end "Hunger" of Makoto's route, he ended up eating his own flesh when his friend died, it might be a metaphor to illustrate the emptiness he could feeling during his route, also the feeling of waiting for something that is never arriving, and the crisis that descends upon him. An illustration shows him on his bike with a beagle dog. A heartbreaking illustration of him standing drenched by the rain at Youji's front door. The last illustration you get in the bad end is him with a white bandage falling around his wounded arm and heavy eyebags.

(+) Youji suffers of multiple disorders

Youji is the protagonist of the visual novel Sweet Pool. He is quite depressed to go to school due to an accident, he missed a year which makes him older than the other students. Through his stream of consciousness, he feels misunderstood and deeply alone. His stubborn personnality isolates him and he suffers from strange conflicts with his body. He is pretending being alright with people around him but his constant pain makes him irritable, and makes him more and more isolated. He struggles to communicate his feelings and to trust people - he has the position of a prey - rejecting and refusing people's help. Youji suffers of eating disorders noticed by Tetsuo, his classmate, and his troubles cause him to faint on the train. He often has visual hallucinations due to his weak body and strange world he is from. Youji owns an aquarium with fishes that soothes his pain away.

The disturbing mental state of Zenya

Zenya is a very deranged young boy who wanders outside the school class, not attending school, locking himself in the toilet, has convictions in predilection signs, has an eye disease and considering himself has a invalid person. He acts oddly because he is persuaded he is, he is hurting himself and people around him, developed an dependance to his servitor Kitani. Zenya suffers of abuse and as a reaction to it, abuse others people. He really is in need of attention and affection because he is afraid of rejection and he develops irrational feelings towards those around him. Zenya has a lizard pet, Kristi. And often dress it. There is a moment with Kitani and Zenya doing shopping. The last illustration of Zenya is when he die and his guts are out.

Decided to stop watching people stories on instagram !! It really influenced my mood... bro... is so stupid to watch people's life through story. so stupid. I hate watching people's point of view because it influenced so much my mood, the fact people are also so influenced and they turn weird. I don't like pushing the story stupid button and watch absurdities especially when it's been 0.4 sec it had been posted. It feels like i am a voyeur and have no life. I want to step back far away from this.

Watching nabari no ou......

Took a nap zzzz it's good

bro took the quiche in the sac hopla c'est emballé La cafet de la plaine is very very miomiam goodfood I think I am going to eat there more often

Drew at the table in a spacious and lightful place at the library... I will ask mimi tortu de me faire visiter les étages peut-être ? si j'oublie pas de réserver (avec l'appli) I actually like the places not in the study area because I can hear people talking and hearing their discussion mehehehe

Bought some beautiful tomatoes today !!! I am happy because they are very very pretty... and also pasta turtle shaped hihi and peaches !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~ Offer some cold water to people who struggle in the sun. Do it. Do it. ~~~ ahhh oughhh nyoughhhh the weather is tooo warmmm Headed to sleep early (around midnight) because I KNOW my brain will wake up early because it's summer time, and damn roadworks in my street starting at 8am my internal clock won't let me sleep more anyway

Can't stop feeling the urgeee to apply to every job and work and suchhh even if I actually don't have time or energy to do it because all I need it to properly feed myself first ?? stop overworking and eat right

My morning appointment went super well Decided to walk and entered at the forum cafeteria to join N & V, they had their mathemathics test at 13h so we ate together !!! Can't believe the food service had little raspberry tart AND TOMATO SOUP, I took a latte also because I wanted something fuwafuwa, it was so perfect ! Then little H (turtle modit) join us !!! hehehe I am always happy to see them !!!!!!!!! After that I decided to walk and paint outside ! under the sun : i fried

Just a remember to go back to China on gmaps because it's so cool to travel this way :+)

Want to visit an aquarium .⋅˚₊‧⋆. ଳೃ࿔*:⋅˚. I am scrollin down through animal parcs websites (to find a job for a friend, I must send my researches to them) and just feel like travelling. Pictures, colours, textures, little felines, reptils round eyes, little rodents, fishes... make me happy !!!! Should I reservate a ticket an go for real ? I remember watching an anime with a demon guy who really adore to visit pandas on his day off, and it cheered me up. I am scared to go alone, I really want to go with K, but it's complicated to organise everything... but! I want to make it real! Also I want to go to the sea with Cha' but in a way I am so overwhelmed with weather, messages, and a little bit scared to fuck up everything like I always do lol 10:13 I am simply exhausted with everything ~ my computer is melting with the weather and I must go to the doctor now. La vie nulle. Comme une impression que ma vie va être nulle pendant un moment. just a remember to listen to this tomorrow morning

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･been watching Kuragehime (2010)

it makes me sad that Kuranosuke got rejected by the girls because he is a gyaru (they don't know he is a dude dressing like girl), they were so rude. The boy already got rejected because if his difference and it must hurt so much. Misandry does exist as much as misogyny but it is still a way of rejection which is wrong.

ahhhh cosy monday. Spend the day writing and tidying my room Wrote some letters, wrote to some friends, giggling alone in my little space there was a mosquito in my room AND I FOUND IT AND SMASHED IT (just nitro+chiral dialogue being toxic, kind of relate with it)

Sunday with fam was great 🍅

DONE WITH MY EXAMMSSSSS ROCKED IT UNTIL THE END IS WAS WILD now i am freeeeeeeeeeeeeee Even if I already feel like I have so much things to do for the holidays OUGHHH meetings, appointments, moving out... It's going to be painful. But it's going to be alright. I wanted to capter les friends y'know but I was depressed when I get out from the exam at 11am because it was grey and rainy (after 2 jours of bOOOM full sunshine), but right now (it's 15:03) it's all sunny again !!!!! I wanna smoke that wee- /jk sit in grass !!!!! But I am too shy to ask anyone to go out so I just 🪑 in my room like this o |\\ ]=\\ i guess we will stay alone today uhuhhuhuhu Finally have some time to dooo thinnngs but I can not do much on my computer because there is so much light outside. They cancelled the cool tramwayyyyy nooooo I want to draw on tablet buuuhh and also idk what to do i've been doomscrolling and my stomach is killing me because of lack of sleep oughh gonna go out I think. Tomorrow I see viet family yoooo, taking care if kiddoes, there's also a japanese flea market I MUST GO Decided to walk a little bit in the forest and I must forget the a w kward interactions with people Threw rocks at the ground because angyyyy it feels great! Saw canards, squirrel, slug, birbs Nature is so calming. Took cool pictures I will upload maybe !!!

I've been deleting some contents from my past I've posted online, on social medias. It took me time to make this decision, this is an important process. Always been so attached with past, memories, but the person I was did so many mistakes and I still do, I am tired to feed an app so I decided to say byebye to some of my old self online! There are many reasons 1) i don't want to be found 2) old quotes, old pictures are maybe sentimental memories is reflect a self I am not anymore 3) fuck insta lol

3:21 my brain is processing insomnia to celebrate my last exam tomorrow morning yeeheee ... are you kidding me... brain why and Neocities is super slow so I can't vent (and better not), but the heat here is absolutely unbearable, 28°c is hitting like a brick- Scrolling into my camera gallery and chuckles hard alone in my bed because some pictures are just hilArIOUs but can't not share with anyone because no one will actually understand what the fu is going on My vibe is weird and it is how it is 6:38 woke up too early because of a funny dream and I needed to pee, exam at 1pm, my brain is making me rethink of my whole life

Green vichy napkin was fun now it would be about being able to read (will put it back maybe)

Thinking of getting myself a bike... I think it's super cool !! Since I don't have the driving license for now (should try to study it this summer) and I don't particularly need it because my bro is going to get a car, I will steal his bike hehehehe.... jitensha.... jitensha! I saw some very cool girls biking and also very cute setup with like plushies and little baskets!!!! Also all the very independant girlies I know ride the city by bike and they tell me they feel so free. I want to taste this freedom one day !! (but I am not sure I am courageous enough, and also idk how to bike lol) we will see !!!!!!!!

TnC PHONE ???? IPOD NANO ?? SOLID BAR ?????

I wanted to send funny memes to my bro but I only have... nitro+chiral in my phone 8bit music are saving my life !!!! beepbeepbipbipboiip especial when it's dmmd

connected to artfight....... mehehehehehehehe 1:55 eeehehehehe crazy discussion with Lys mimi tonight, made me smile :D

miemiew i should write decent blog post but nothing much is happening in my life because exams... I am just listening at music or documentaries, trying to read my notes (struggling a lot), fighting against any potential distraction (i am very distracted)

just changed cursor hehe

INK - plastic tree

Even if I keep writing letters, probably, probably there's no meaning Then, then if I draw pictures, even so, nothing remains If I scream while dreaming a nameless dream, soaked to the bone And still I follow it — to the end, all alone When red and blue sorrows are mixed together They turn into this kind of color If sweet wishes overflow They just quietly spill away With vivid sadness, the ink that fell into my heart If I could have stayed transparent, could I have kept from losing anything? If I doze off into illusions, I waver, filled with an unnecessary heart In the darkness of a single blink, see — see, it's still this beautiful Every time I remember the night, the shadow loses its place Pretending not to see the lies, my voice — more and more — falls into ruin Dissonance flows through my whole body A restless, endless melody stirring inside Where is the silence, lost and aimless? Gently, bring it back to me Staining sadness, the ink that bleeds deep inside my chest If I had become transparent, could I have stayed unaware? The overlapping illusions are only dreams I don’t want to see With every passing second of darkness, hey — hey, it just spreads further Un deux trois On tiptoe, I spin around again and again Just don’t stop the accompaniment Drums, bass, guitar With vivid sadness, the ink that fell into my heart If I could have stayed transparent, could I have kept from losing anything? If I doze off into illusions, I waver, filled with an unnecessary heart In the darkness of a single blink, see — see, it's still this beautiful Still this beautiful, still this beautiful

~~~ MADK means Motsu Akuma Danshi Koukousei And Makoto's name is clearly a reference from Makoto Tachinbana from Free! well

"prends-toi la chambranle de la porte"

sorry sorry only good vibez

The more i am growing up, and breathing and existing the more I am distancing myself from dokomi, my ex and whatever is attached to my past It makes me sad and frustrated when people don't share their references, "their" code, "their" links or technical shenanigans to counter sharing. Always thought individualism kill community... I believe it's okay to not answering because you don't have time but not having the will to keep the little ref for yourself is just a selfish act ! the same thing in reverse, in the situation where someone is learning and take a part of "your" code (hey, the code is opensource) and then seeing complaints about how much it's yours, is... pretty disappointing. Totally understand the fact it's not okay if the person starts copycat you and pretend it's you (it's called identity theft) or stealing personal datas to use them. Not cool. at all.

hobonichi !!!!!

blabla drama

I am allergic to people who publicly start to mention names to make dramas. Learn to keep your mouth shut, don't spread rumors, do not hurt people, stay mature and act like a good person...

motorcycleeee Ninja ZX-4R

Locked myself in front of re:connect, done all Ren's endings and feeling ough... empty ~~~ exam le samedi, pas de transports, déviation, j'suis en retard evidemment hahaha j'vais câbler Mal à la peau, mal de peau c'est n'imp

plastic tomato in plastic

I hate the country i am living in. Cops killed a 11 years old children in a public park. Cops killed someone on a bicycle because they were driving too fast AND the cop hasn't a legal driving license. More and more controls. Repressions. Injustices. what is wrong with them ? I can not unsee it. I can not mute myself. This is the reality we live in. They don't protect us, they are killing us. They are not good people but clearly are a danger.

- must do : retrieve my cat's image from my old phone to put them online put them on cursed page there is one picture missing i really want to find (cat in a sofa) -find a way to make phone responsive mp3 cause it stands in middle of the page placed a tomato at the very right so it extends the horizontal on phone screed idk it just worked

i think the hr tomatoes is too intense and make the page slow

Happy bday to my bro !!!!!!!! made a drawing and a special corner on a moebius canvas ATE CAKE with family :DDD !!!!! 🐢🐢🐢 Filled with strawberry and raspberry hueuehehehe haircut for mimi H ♡

T FRIEND FOUND DEVIL MATCHA at UNI

it feels funny coding this at school hehehehe managed to put a little mp3 tomato themed, pretty dark but even the button are tomatoes !!!! And tbh my music taste is pretty dark too... I want to listen at one ok rock again. Bannging on Plastic tree a lot they call this genre, uh... rock ?

has 4 hours of sleep in my VEINS because decided to take a short little nap oh 5hours the previous afternoo-

ehhh........ why am i constant checking my phone make it stop

me : type a message on groupchat everyone : stops chatchatting D:

someone said : "milk and eggs are female exploitation"

i need to buy food (tomatoes) and toothpaste putting this here so I don't forget and go retrieve MADK manga update : went home without food (* ; _ ;) but got three new books !!!! MADK and a book about semiology of A.J Greimas !!!!

friennnnd asked about participation in artfight this year and I am all fully motivated now but I just do I drawing every two months

I haven't studied yesterday because I was coding and playing with stupid little softwares on computer *scatchscrashscratch* i dont understand shit Guess I will just leave it there lalala deserted github, waiting for my little tortue-modite-geniale to show me how it works because i ain't watching video Considering supporting Neocities as a supporter member, but have no idea how it workssss Also considering supporting catbox.moe because I upload all my mp3 files there. I find it pretty mehhh that Neocities.org doesn't allow to upload mp3 files and make it works if you're not a member. (I just want the little heart on the profile and more storage space)

tomodachi says we go eat sushi after our exams !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

src : @birth.day.to.me

hiiiiiiiiiiiii gyuuuhh SQUEEZING branches gyouuughhhhhhh i am happy

MOST BEAUTIFUL PIXELART I EVER SAW

THIS IS WHERE I POST FROM !!!!!!

85 pages of strawberry gifs versus... 2 pages for tomatoes, life is unfair

I want to meet someone who pushes me to do more art, who share same interests and same taste in term of miamiam and has silly and funny ideas

BREAKING NEWWWS : TOMATOES CHERRY BURN TONGUE oughhh i knew it itchyyy itch outchh no pity

this is the face I make when someone actually say something nice to me

bug heart fulfilled Spend time with friends truly cheered me up !! Feeling kind of useless, and unwanted but my friends are just such blessing creatures who makes you feel so loved !!!! I love them back so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom cames to give me carrot salad. now i'm thinking to make a carrot themed page. who will stop me i am unstoppable orange and green tangerine theme also soup theme also EGG SANDWICH with cucumber, oh my god. cheese themed website. cheese comes from the moon, this is my very evidence knowledge about the world (hey 3rd type of knowledge Spinoza hey) apsaragus

i honestly believe this page's colors are kind of ugly and i am giggling about it

i googled akabanka

After exams, redraw kotoba Is the hack still working at uni to print ???????? why did i accept meeting while my blocus am i stupid or what i am going to fail wtf i am not studying but making a cult about tomatoes friday : go buy a tail (i am not even joking ok, always feel like a furry) my skin is in a pretty terrible condition so i feel ugly and unconfident to go out like i really feel terrible and ashamed because of my ficking skin and also skin colour like what the fuck i can't even hide it that doesnt mean hiding my whole self

Made this silly tomato banner plants

more images :

SILLY NAME IS KETCHUP