09/23

September is here !

Developped a new project named " the rooms "
It's a collaborative project who aims to reunite people's rooms in one page. I know the images on Neocities don't load when there's too much img displayed on a page, and i am still looking for a solution. mmmh

Another must do list : Using codepen to make creative pages, more interactive menu

• home page r000ms on ninjaweb
• levels
• link to backrooms
• magazine cover " Enter the r000ms " infography
• encoding user's page

The Boy and The Beast - Bakemono no ko

"Le disciple imite le maître."

my GOD Chiral goes hard tonight /yes with 6 yo of late ofc

Today was the first day of school. I missed it, because i had an accident yesterday eve and start to bleed from the hEAD just above my eye. what. actually. the fuck.
and so i woke up this morning with a headache, went to buy some apples at 19:14 it started to rain. This September month has a strong summer vibe, even more than the past two months. My head still hurt from yesterday and the tram is crowded.
I've been thinking a lot about Sunstone again, trying to connect again with my close friends, failed meetings, work, study for school and everything else. i just stick with the little happiness i own around me, doing flea markets the weekends, watching films, enjoying the little treasures from life.

15:12
Central station. They installed a piano at the train station in my city. I went to sleep at 4am, and had an appointment with my mom at 12h, then I went to the church, exvhanged with an aunt and cross the road of a organ player. I was reading " Maurice " and also feeply thought of an essay of Kafka I red about a guy entering into a church. Then I visit Etienne at the antique shop, we talk about " Cabinet de curiosités " and his holidays. He went to London to find treasures for his home-museum, such raffinate items he found ! He explained me about the " dizaine des scouts " and " Saint Hubert " the protector of fauna. I also got a Médaille miraculeuse of Sainte Rita and a chapelet de dizaines. A side of my family believe in Faith, I can say its a way to develop yourself, to meet a community. I do appreciate meeting differents types of people. My main interest is about stories, findong items and exchanging orally time to time. It is very interesting sometimes, to go out. I also post my CV to a little plant shop, but i bit my tongue when i talked to the manager and bow she may think i am an imposter wearing a white shirt and a long vest. lol After that I went to central station, and the piano was still there. Nobody was behind it and so I played " Komm süsser todd ", " Fly me to the moon ", " Problème d'émotion by Igorrr ", " Moonlight Sonata ", " Sous les draps, Mr Nobody" and " Alice, arai tasuku".

I'm losing I'm losing it again Self-control Hope Everything

Listening at Ghost Town again. Game freak, Universe, "Off with her head". Memories !

A friend of mine is doing the aggregation to become a teacher, and they are so inspiring and crazy insane (in a good way) haha. I am certain they will be a really good and fun teacher tho i feel so young and small next to them, but i am happy they share their experiences and knowledge ! It was so fun spending the day with them

my god i should stop scratching my skin until i bled cause i got awful scars

Every job I found can't pay their employees. It's driving me crazy how poverty hit small shops, because the taxes are so high here. I've been not productive enough, and i get easily lost at making money. Finding a real job. Fitting in society. People don't really need me, or my art, or my presence. To cope with the insignificant way my life has become, I just keep searching and try to find symbolics, knowledge in the tiniest details of life. I am surrounded of items i gathered from years and years of strolling in flea markets. I had interesting lessons about ceramic and porcelain, which absolutely open a different eye on it. I do 't really know how to gain enough to eat, I was thinking of selling everything i own. but even that, how could I ? I tried selling in flea markets twice, it was actually very fun, but the effort is enormous for the little coins you make. Experience is fun tho ! In general people just sell everything they want to throw out from their garage or sell with groups of friends.

Writing has been a very important process I discovered. As usually taciturn i am, and lonely in a big house (my rent is 1300€/month) and living alone since I broke up with my partner, have interest in transitioning and despair ate me up. Living in Europe which people usually speaking French, being Asian in this country and not finding your way is quite depressing. No more negativity : I fall in love with writing, handwritings more precisely. Calligraphy artists are, to my eyes, incredible. I first met a Swiss tattoo artist who show a sketchbook with all his writings and it immediately piqued my interest. I was wondering how is it possible to live from that ? I mean, there is so much possibilities when you start having an interest in words. I started to read many books as possible, since i'm half-student half-employee (i'm studying restoration of old wooden furniture) other than BL. I got a high interest in Oscar Wilde writing's, Kafka, biographies of artist (Georges Sand, Chopin, Rimbaud) and some novels lile the Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. I collect dictionary, synonyms ones, english and german translator books. Poetries, old books, short stories, one shots. My passion for words never ceased to grow up, but it starting to be heavy you know. And i will probably move soon from where i rent if i don't find a stable situation. It's been years i'm yelling myself that. And so i started to write, to exercise calligraphy with kalames, pens, pencils. Learning words, constructing sentences. I wrote a novel, a story about a little guy meeting a drug dealer. Ended up with 9 chapters, two ends : a happy end and a bad end. I think three people only red it, i don't think people have the patience and same passion as me for words, voyeurism and such. But still, i've made it. It written on french, and is way too long to translate it in a good english. So I started to write a more light-hearted novel, with the idea of a bird family. Then is born Birdnest . I don't know how it will end because I mainly imagine them as just... friends. I wanted friends.
At the moment, I am translating a book from german to english and then french. It's a pretty dark themed story about the relationship between a psychologist and a dominant (mxm sub/dom exp) since I discovered with Sunstone (a very interesting comic) about this theme.
I also love sewing. Yesterday I spend the day with two boy friends which love to dress up as gentlemen and i wore a dress, we were literally so extra outside, it was funny. I own many étoffes and dentelles, and i sewn hats, i cant way to wear them in autumn/winter. I've been embroidered a white calligraphy on a black patchwork and it take so much time, and bring me at least lot of satisfaction.

I am 23 and I have so many hobbies and aspirations. They're all very different, and I am scared to be lost in the many things i developed and continue to explore. Human always change, right ? But the human nature's still the same forever. I am happy that i expressed all my little life discoveries here, it truly helps me to prove myself i can do things. I hope I'll find a stable and comfortable way to live. Oh and i also need to say that, I am actually in a pretty decent situation right know, I have a roof, a bed, some good my first ever little gf brought to me!!!!(we had a long distance relationship and they moved back to Belgium!) I should... enjoy life more. Because running fast into the future makes you forget to live the present. Dont forget that. Your situation can be worse in the future. I mean... i should enjoy more life now. Ok I must get up, i have to call my landlord.

Haven't called the landlord yet. Today i went to the opendoors of the tattoo parlor where i was working two years ago. It's been a while i haven't see them, my mentor is quite older, and he works with Oli, such a lovely person. Before going there, i spend 2 hours writing them a letter in a red envelope because i hate going somewhere and having nothing to show or to offer. I feel like, bringing support from my home is an easier way to not miss the chance to offer them respect. Some people say it's a love language. Also i talked with someone who has 20 years older than me and we exchanged about our life experiences, he said something about - auto-suffisance, if you reach that level in your life, then everything else around is a gain.
Autonomy and self-sufficient is a way to be independent. My mentor said that i have potential in my hands and i must find a way to do the right things. I like exchanging with older people, especially when they're from a open-minded domain, artistic or just caring. They just know so much about you, i do have so much respect to adults. When i was a teenager despise adults. I changed and learned a lot.

Finding a work is not all. It's about finding you. A place you still can develop and learn. I've been wondering what kind of work i could be able to do until the rest of my life, but in reality, i think the constant need of moving doesn't allow us to stay still at one place. Some people can be more efficient at something they know but everyone can exercise and do the right work. It's about finding your place.

Going out today. My outfit is so on point, but taking the metro is killing the vibe. I printed stickers to slap them on some walls while wandering in city. Read some ReiTowa ff, and also a comic from a friend wrote " Ki Ni Shinaide " this morning. Now I'm just spacing out, trying to avoid eye contact in the metro. oh it arrives. (coding from the phone is a pretty nice activity)

I dont really have any interesting subject to develop, I am excited to code more. A Vietnamese (Deadbucko) artist drew my OC Shirotan & Kuroge, I'll show u :
Cutest. drawing. ever.

project r000ms : layout display a container within gallery (scroll and border 2px solid grey and 500x500px) adding a key and a door

It's been 5-6 years I am living in the city. I have the opportunity to leave the capital to live in a little house, in the countryside, not far away from where my mother is living. She needs help to renovate the house, but she is still working in the capital. And so i am seriously thinking to move from where i am. Currently i live near the forest, in a lovely little appartement. I have enough place for me, and also for people to stay at my place. I have good contact with my landlord, and neighborhood. I love the place where i am, in April, there are trees which turn pink. The rent is pretty expensive, and i still don't have a stable job. That's why i might leave the city. But... I feel kind of like an unsuccessful person. I feel like i haven't done enough in the capital ; and i have so many things to live before coming back living to me mom's place. She is not older enough to need me and my older brother is already back in town. I am in huge hesitation ! I could stay where i am, but the contract is 3 years. So it means i'll be stay in this appartement until 2027 (i'll turn 27). It sounds... so weird. Time is so fast. I am suppose to live my best years now !!

Ok so i split up both of my website to be less vulnerable to visibility and keep this blog more private-
This website has more nfsw content, dark writings and controversal subjects. I like it here. It's like my little secret garden.

Il m'arrive d'être un peu perdu. Collant, confus, totalement dérouté, se laissant flotter par le vent de la ville. Errer pendant des heures sur les mêmes trottoirs, à chercher ce qui n'est pas même à proximité. À crever la dalle lorsqu'il faut prendre des forces pour se lever. À se laisser mourir par le manque.