blog (*° w °)
~ 🫛🫛🫛🫛🫛🫛🫛 ~
if I go in the center :
buy patisserie japanese, but some fabric (white thread, white fabric),
if I go to Ixelles : buy orange marker for 68, red alcohol marker, black acrylic
Started to pack and move things, jeavy cardboard boxes and so many clothes.
I made it. I am back to mother's place
oh I just understand a joke someone said yesterday
update : Changed my sheets. best feeling ever.
lacking of sleep
I wanted to sleep and a crow woke me up
I wanted to sleep and stupid music from neighbours woke me up
I wanted to sleep and my bro woke me up
When I observed the making off in live of the metro they're building at the atelier, it gave me idea to repare the door that is broke at my mom's place 🏠
Must doodle it and talk about it
Today I went to see a friend (they were late as I was lol) from Beaux-Arts. They had sponges and plastic trash bags in their bag and we talked about responsability and big changements for the future.
They had to do things after (joining others friends at Forest) but I stayed at the skateparc.
I wanted to draw outside and lowkey feel at peace there so I made a painting.
I asked two adults (older) to help me to find something heavier to replace my cup of water (was thinking of some rocks to put it in the glass) because it was too light and could fall with the weight of the brush and they literally open up a can and gave it to me. Then a lovely woman come talk to me and asked me if I could contact her to make an atelier with some kids. Her name is Halima ! And her voice is deep and hoarse
I also found some weird trinkets on the ground
Woke up in the middle of the night from an obsessive dream about my moving since I am putting everything in cardboard boxes and struggle a lot to gather things
No you don't receive threats from your ew by message you just undergo inappropriate treatment and this is not your fault
Feeling simply like a goose
guy tried to flirt but I am pretty convinced that if you're not a lesbian or a cat I won't fall in the trap of it (also I act very silly all the time)
Looking at my stupid reflect in the black of my screen and looking like stupid
Watched Monster (2023)
in French the title is "L'innocence"
The film shows the story from different point of view : a mother a teacher and a kid. The cut we have access show a dramatic side of a prism and resume by showing the others perspectives which untie the story. "Monster" is probably about the worst thing a child could perceive from its eyes, it is a conception which does not factually exist, it can represents the struggle a mother can be face to when your kid slowly turn into a monster : a creature you can not understand, and the difference between an adult and a kid (the smile of the teacher)
must watch: La chasse (2012)
Feeling rooted, brown and green
What an odd description of feelings but I truly can feel something is changing. My whole apartment is empty, I woke up early because I haven't slept in my "usual place", the place I used to sleep for years When I woke up I was surprised to be alive and to be in another bed, another sheets, another environment.
This is the end of an era, but something stable and grand is about to be created. I went out early and had time to enjoy my day. 27°c outside. Failed to print but paid for it. Ate watermelon. Took a shower. It's warm outside, I have projects. I am typing and sleepy
Some people don't do efforts, why
Kindly asking a friend to bring me food and they fired me up because we couldn't reach each other because I finished my task earlier and moved from my place, they're asking me money when I haven't seen the colour of the service ?? while i helped them to pay a fine they had and help them, amd literally give them my coil ; they don't even do the effort to reach me : this is so lame. and i am highly disappointed
update : i speak up about my feelings to them!
~~~
Sometimes I feel sad then I remember I have such lovely friends and I wish they knew about the love I hold for them and from them. Wish I could offer it to them as how much they deserve it~
~~~
An asian woman (born in 1979) said : Art could heals the world
because it's not essentially political
it improves exchange, goodwill, activities
I've been meeting lots of moms lately at the atelier lol (very busy women because they all have children while ... i am the child) and they all have a connection with art, painting, hip-hop culture, graphism...
I feel they are kind of on the trails of getting a "right" life and I feel so far away from their level
~~~
i wanna watch the film : U.
again
When I was younger, I went to cinema to watch it
And something went wrong with the film and we couldn't watch it entirely
I was with my mom and was sooo disappointed and sad, I wanted to cry
There was something cursed with that movie
And now that I am 25, I am finally able to watch it.
It is cursed
~~~~
I am worried about the fact when I will move, I will not being able to go visit my friends at the atelier that often and especially stay late.
I must find a way to be autonomous, it means : pay for a car (taxi to go home late, expensive solution, but kind useful), learn my driving license, being courageous walking a lot and being patient, consider the fact of riding a bike soon
What is this empty feeling I got in my chest ? The august month feels so flat as my hopes when I got those super high hopes the day before
I am exhausted, I do things wrong, ask in the wrong way, forget everything, or everything I do is in the wrong way, I can't express myself correctly of being inspiring
Feeling like I am exposing the worst impression of myself in people's minds
this flat flow still sticks on my skin today bruh
~~~~
That friend who breaks the vibe by asking questions (me)
stop being so curious
My eloquence and intonation are so wrong, doesn't fit me. I should exerce myself...
I like low voices, sounding mysterious, full of wisdom and knowledge
secret knowledge, helpful, kind. Not interacting for nothing and able to react in the right momentum
I am often under pressure and it never releases so it's a little bit hard to catch the right time, or flowing with the pace
i am always searching my words, getting wrong at expressions
how should i study it ?
~~~
Discovered a mutual was singing and post their music online and it is so moody exactly what I need right now
~~~
Took time to write about my dreams and reading the notes I took after dreaming and it caused crazy chemical things in my brain because last night i dreamt like crazy.
it wokes me up at 7am
saw some little littens cosplaying caterpillars what the fuck
~~~
When I was full of hope, I thought it would be so nice to be a carpet reseller. Gathering, cleaning and offering comfort piece of floors so people aren't cold anymore. I also wanted to have a little store full of second hand furnitures, stationeries, and such... the problem is : what if people actually don't need the items I am selling ? I will find myself to own full of stuffs and people won't need it because finding goods is an adventure. I don't have the charisma nor motivation be the perfect marketing profile and start an economy from that. And so I thought : I should buy what I will use. And give away stuffs I think it would be useful for others. I can't have a big storage, my body capacities has limited energy. And I should remember that.
I still think owning a cafe, a little brocante store, herboristery is such a cute idea.
but before : I want to travel !
~~~
Offered plushies to my friends is the best I can do to show my support
appointment went well ❤️🩹
i like being a little bit silly when i am uncomfortable so people think i am stupid and can even try to smash me when I am totally self-aware of their weaknesses
evening -
a spider just ran over my face while i was reading in my bed like ??? excuse me ???? am i in the way ???
premenstrual symptoms grrrrrrrr
appointment tomorrow grrrrrr x2
i luv my friends, and i luv cheesecake
just cut my hair. now sitting on the floor, leaving all the mess
that's how I cope with stress (should take a shower)
it's weird, i feel kinda stressed, kinda want to go out, kind want to fall in love and kinda want to isolate myself
i don't understand what's going on but :
Locking in until I've done everything right
it's 4pm and haven't eaten anything yet or even wearing my glasses because I've been tidying the mess I left in my room for 4 years, sigh
cancelling all plans to stay at home is my energy
chatchatting with some friends this moewning through messages
___
failed but in frenchu
*post a story on social media*
j'essaie de draguer une fille mais elle regarde pas mes story
fml
*wrong person like the story*
going to kms
oh no...
___
it's a little victory everytime I get out the printing lab with some fresh printed goods
made a dream with little kittens, and it was so real i love little cats moewmoew mimido
It's the last day of July, 31th. Thursday. I used to be very busy on Thursday, from music school, to anarchist library, to practical works, evening classes. It's half of my vacation now. I am moving soon. I still have free time, I should get some paint (expensive) and go to spots outside. Or to tattoo myself before I could not anymore. I tried to paint with javel on a black old tee that I sadly soiled when I dyed my hair in black. Crow black and my whole bathroom became pitch black. I am content to do some artsy things, I never had time to do in the years!
The fact that I feel like running away from the capital make me feel so lonely, I don't take time or energy to contact anyone to actually come help me, I am stubborn to repeat to myself : I can do it alone. Then I whine in my corner that everyone give up on me. but... I don't want to bother. I want to leave as soon as possible and refuse everyone who try to get close to me, to visit my place. I gave everything to everyone the past few years, now I must rest and think about my studies, my family and the garden I must take care.
I visited countries on gmaps... It feels quiet, warm sometimes animated. I was sitting on my chair, clicking here and there in the silence, finding spots and cats. Drinking my cold tea, taking screenshots, notes, getting inspired and reassured that I can go to bed to read a book anytimes. The book is a rare uncommon one, I always wanted to read, from Ryu Murakami : Bleu presque transparent. Some days ago I discussed with someone I met at the cinema, they are a street artist also. How come, we became friends ! They lend me the book as we met up to draw together
I should give back the book before I move, this is important
I think this is important
more images of Emotion (1966)
I must get up and watch this on my computer
Girl Power (2016) Documentary
mroew
what is this weather, how are we supposed to feel in vacation with grey/white cloudy sky all day for a week ?
mroew
must chill out when I chat about concepts with friends so they can actually answer and we could have a real discussion (can't stop yapping and developing)
sometimes I am excessive
sometimes i don't say a word from the entire eve and people think i am a creep (probably am)
gakuran gakuran gakuran
watching Emotions (1966) by Nobuhiko Ôbayashi
~ must add to tomonori blog
~~~
saying " I LOVE/ADORE " cures every bad mental feeling I could get
Feeling very lovely and grateful lately
~~~f
A girl offered me her pullover ! Black and white striped (very emo) one !!!!! because i compliment her !! crying of happiness
this is so lovely, my day was delightful
thank you, people for being alive
feeling so bubbly and cheerful about my friends
How can I even think about myself egoistically when people are starving, fires break out in the forests, ecological situation is miserable because of us ?
- don't cancel yourself, rethink what you want to say
- say what you want to express
- talk wisely, be aware of the words you chose
- listen to others
- give space to others
- be interested with what is around you
- don't dominate anyone, people are equal
- respect environment
Feeling blue
it's raining today. Feeling blue. My heart hurts, I feel incomplete. Lonely, sad. Giving so much of myself, yet not enough. Maybe not to the right persons ; aren't family members strangers? I feel so lost surrounded by people, I can't catch the pace, conversations in group are difficult, I am cheerful alone in my corner
Sometimes I can't connect, I can't express and it's frustrating
Lacking sleep, energy, fuel and starting to mentally breaking down since the tears won't come out, and if it will my eyes will start to swell - and I can't let this happen. I have appointment and I must look clean.
I need a break but time runs I have to pack my stuffs and move in an uncertain place, uncertain future
Studies will eat my time, my artistry sanity and comfort zone
I am scared to change and never be able to come back (I will never be able to come back to the place I was living), to sacrifice projects (it's okay I must change, develop myself. I can't stay a child forever and having childish passion, right ? I will treasure it anyways, these will never leave my heart and mind, it's engraved.)
soup theme for autumn... (*0 - 0) hyped
... it looks like a tangerine
morning
listening at music Alys sent to me... ~ i must c/c the link here soon
so heart-warming
been hanging out a lot lately
maybe I overpush my limits but that's okay, one life
Bouquet of Lily - Amavel
Mysterious Books サッチェルバッグ
note in my diary :
'How it feels powerful to wear a long dress ~ "
but somehow I feel like vulnerable when I am outside, and it feels it isn't "me" or only partial, because I used to wear heavy chains and boyish clothes for the past years. Wearing black clothes make me feel more efficient to counter danger, to be considerate as an unapproachable person ; these clothes are protecting myself.
I love love love the sweetness and softness of elegant clothes, for sure. But I feel so unconfident about my hair, my face, the way I talk. I said last year " I need to soften myself ", then cover my face with black paint wtf
Living a crisis right now
Maybe it's because everything is so packed in cardboard boxes, I have to make a choice.
I am happy my lovely friend wears it and doesn't change their styles. So authentic. I love seeing her, it soften my heart
I hope to wear more pretty clothes or totally assume my darkness in front of my mom...
Artfight 2025 for Kalek (artfight profile)
~~~
Having unpopular and oldschool taste in music means : you know no one on the timetable of a festival
i'm going to bed but three of my fave blogs have been updated so I am excited to be tomorrow!! also seeing my beloved friend who travelled for an entire month! Going to wear frilly cute clothes for the occasion
there is a mosquito in my room
Lack of motivation is scary
How can you imagine a future when you are uninspired ?
•••
The situation that some humans can not provide themselves food because of a politic war make me sick.
While some people overconsume things
I can notice how uneducated, uneconomic, unrespectful my neighbours are on garbage day
How hypocrits show on national day
How alien I am to this world
At least I am not alienated
•••
Sometimes I am telling myself that I could go camping and do festivities like other young people but my worries are about the fact I could faint because my body is extremely weak
bro is always hungry, has a fast metabolism and 0 fat, run out of energy after two hours of socialising
•••
Decided to go to cinema tonight
Might arrive late because it's a holy day so the public transport are slower than usual, but it's okay no stress
Going on all by myself
About to watch : Dare mo shiranai (2004)
update :
arrived on time ! The film was so lovely, beautiful, poetic and so so so sad also. Had to choke with my tears a little bit...
My first experience to go alone at cinema was amazing. Such a beautiful time, and I got a analog ticket ! going to stick it in my agenda and write a note about it tonight
I brought an umbrella and wanted to give it away because i am moving soon and own too many umbrellas (I just "forget" things outside because it's inconvenient for me lol) so I just left it there. Someone lucky will find it probably!
Spend an afternoon with a cat ! I forgot how intense is to share a moment of confidence with a feline
feeling loved, accepted
vs
Friend starting to write with dots placed after each sentence makes me so anxious
/leave the chat
Jumping out of bed, doing your day, then come back home to ronpiche 💤
feeling : lazy cosy, happy
received some presents from Gloums and dreamed about it
kinda hungry
MEMESHIKUTE MEMESHIKUTE TSURAIYOO
君と手を繋ぎ踊りたい沢山の人混みの中で君の笑顔だけが輝いて
... i should send this to Chloe
It's going to rain all week !!
woke up at 14h today what the hell...
It's Saturday and I haven't done any artfight attacks this year because I am just melting of heat. 28°c, initially wanted to go get some metallic trinkets found on the ground at marolles but I heard some rain will pour this afternoon/evening. Indeed the sky is very grey!
Often telling myself : I should've done earlier ! But it's not the case so let's move forward
Mom is coming to move some furnitures, clothes, bedsheets and plants tomorrow. First move first move
been invited in a garden party for the first time this summer wawawah
my goal today is to find and drink tomato juice 🍅
update : it went well !! Mogo had to leave early but I stayed a little bit of time after, staying in my corner to finish the art I was drawing then left like a ninja
Been awaken by the neighborhood leaf blower, his machine is doing awful loud noises
fwuuuuu fwuuuuuuuuuu
Today's mission is : going out to buy some banh pho ! Went to Tinie's
Watching Tunnel to Summer (2022)
so beautiful
heyo !
