SEPTEMBER

mushies

This year I am going to study at university, learning concepts of writing and communication.
I can not stand in art school anymore because i am too sensible to share my art lol
So I decided to study and join university, something different that I use to do, but I am so motivated !! The only problem is the important roadworks they're doing in my street because it makes difficult to go out and they just cut my  transport line ?? So I feel kind of isolated, i think i need isolation this year. (actually don't have the choice-)

A friend told me that people who go to uni become smarter afterward... and so I want to be smart heh!!!!!!!!
Always liked lessons in auditoriums, you just listen. Will draw my little calligraphy and ascii art while learning.
Since I experimented large outside street painting this year, i want to go back to small now because I honestly don't want to be seen !! I just want to isolate a little bit in my studies...
Sometimes I feel like my environment is becoming hostile. Neighbourhood fights, how they started to cut trees in my street, these fucking roadworks, little insects crawling, it makes me sad. My mom makes me sad as well... I need to move from my place as soon as possible. I need change. Next year, in June, I will come back to the countryside.

Sometimes I get worried because I can't not find sleep at night, because my physical condition is not good, because I feel like I miss something. In other words, I feel uncomplete, wrong. I want to delete my online existence. Then I remember it's alright, everyone has their own pace. I will find sleep in the morning, I will work out later. I can wash my clothes when the rain stops. I can enjoy calm morning, afternoon and evening.

Is the rainy September blues giving me this feeling ? Probably. I live in a country where the rain never stops. And I will not ask the stars why, because I know the answer, I got unlucky, being born here. But in a way, I am grateful to be alive.


Tomorrow, when I will get up, I will cook rice with ketchup and an egg. Everything will be alright. 



Done my laundry, vacuumed the whole apt, changed my sheets. Month is going to be good. I am going to be courageous !!
Uni is starting soon, and the rain won't stop. I wonder if we will still have sunny moments... We will surely have some. I am about to take a warm shower after my laundry. and wear comfy clothes. Oh, maybe I will take a bath, iam craving so much warm water... Like a hug you know, but something that doesn't require anybody.I discovered Ryû Murakami some years ago, and whenever I read his writings, I feel like making new friends with such big red flags haha. People irl are kind of like this sometimes. These past years I've met so many red flagged people, and I hope to never see them again. In the end we all end up alone, we are even more better like that. I am conscious that it can be harsh, and I don't deny the fact that my whole existence could also be toxic to these people. I am creator, an idealist, a destructor to see beauty in the ruins... I also know that I can be lovely, kind, helpful. A good person in anyways. Believe me or not, I am not a bad person, and people around me can love me and see goodwill in my actions and heart. I am a quiet type, a slow orator, a secret one, you know. I don't really show when people annoys me, but it doesn't mean I forget. As an observer, I study these behaviours, try to understand them. But there are so many differences with the way I am build sometimes that it seems just out of place, and I just have to quit. 



There is this artist I've been listening for years in my earphones, a depressed hiphop/rap (rythm & poetry) french guy who will come in my city, and I bought tickets to see him live. His new album called " La Pluie " and it goes right to my brain and heart. It's been almost 10 years I've been listening to Hugo TSR !! Actually it's a little bit personal, I am scared to go alone, so i drop a little message on my socialmedia to maybe gather people who also wants to come ; but then I deleted it because I am scared to be too cringe asking for people to come with me. I will go alone probably, mysterious dressed and with a mask so people can not recognize me. Maybe the bandana Reita was wearing. And I will take my markers with me, and some papers too. I hope to see some friends, or precisely loyal listeners.


Managed to draw a little bit.
I hope to meet cool people at uni !! I am a little bit stressed since it's been years I haven't sit on a school bench. I started working early after my unsuccessful years in art school and because covid. So I really want to meet up nice people there.
I must motivate myself too to sleep and being healthy. Watching K-on tonight.

I think my life organisation is following a logic line that actually suits my reality. Decisions, registering... Everything was done completely like it should. I need changements, to deconstruct my habits. and poof they will. I will change and grow up. 



okeeee LAST NIGHT BEFORE the uni student life is starting !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am already anxious about the way it's going to change my life !! in a good way I am sure

my sleeping schedule is going to change
my eating habits are going to change
my energy and motivation is going to change
my interests are going to change

I would like to preserve my activities about my art and calligraphy
And participate to the inktober challenge too...
I hope I will manage to have time AND energy to draw
Planned a 3 days trad art and 3 days digi art, but I am always lazy to draw on computer (always want to do something else such as coding, reading blogs, watching videos... it's also a way of creating and finding inspiration i think)
SEPTEMBER is going to be SUPER FOCUS ON THESE HABITS I HAVE TO ADAPT !!! for a better life

Look at how I customed my bag !!!!!! going to adopt the loser boy style oh yeah


and ohh hEYY look at my outfit i am going to be bullied by ppl 
SO TODAY was my first day of uni !!!!!!! My first lesson was philo, there is no wifi connection in the audit lol rip, teacher is really nice btw
Absolutely adore how knowledge enters in my brain hehehehehe
I think my computer is going to stay at home for a while (will update on my phone when I must blabla and ramble alone here) and try to communicate a little bit with people
Peeps in my class seems very young and lost (like me) got two social interactions today (were pretty nice!) and saw my beloved friend H who show me CRAZY COOL secret places in the campus (in the library) NB floor 4
Tomorrow and on Wednesday I will have 10 HOURS OF CLASS from 10am to 10pm oh god
I pretty much enjoy the feeling of hungriness, because when I wasn't scholarized I had hardcore ed and just spend my time eating. So it regularizes my habits somehow.

I have class at 8pm today, see ya soon schoolboyas

21th September is officially autumn and I want to do something special that day.
uptdate : ok i checked and it's officially on 22th this year. But TODAY i wore a autumnal tones outfit, some lace, comfy shoes, and went out to buy cute vanilla fluffy cakes shaped like a LEAF can you imagine ?? theyre are so cute !!! aaaaaa i have a really bad sore throat (lack of sleep ? people in auditoriul coughing 33252345243times in my back ? my fragile health ? everything ??? =life) so i'm drinking lot of tea. tomorrow i'll finish that calli i started (the one in the background of this blog) and eat a entire jar of honey. i love autumn

Learning so much. will update uni page when I will have time and not 10 hours of class !!! agh
Maybe on Sunday or when I will need synthesis of my lessons. They are going to be so detailled and funky (colorful?structured?) Cant wait to imply css also (ça se dit ?)

Yesterday, i was lost in the school and discovered a scientific museum in the school !! wasn't expecting this ???? a friend of mine in pinning bugs for their studies (bio) and it's so cool ! i am in journalism and learning bases of communication so it's pretty chill, we have library visits and such

The Library of the school offers free book !!! omg i am going to throw myself in the biblio every fcking day
& Of course I'm in love with the Litterature class and the first book we have to read is "Die Leiden des jungen Werthers"	written by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1774. A romantic diary aiming to the suicide of the main chara, the story is written like a epistolar (bro i can not say it in english) style : letters. The young Werther write letters to his friend William.
We have rhetoric lesson as well, and we kind of have to role play (in my fantasy ok) and make a presentation of a character to defend your opinion
it's going to be so much funnn i always thought i was pretty shy but im really interested in theater and rp and so make a public presentation hypes me!

ALSO i try to make the calligraphy community grow on my social media and created a promptlist for inkotber named "Callinktober" !
hehehe and some people i never met are going to participate, and it's so cool to motivate people i feel usefulll

I came to a conclusion that (building stable relationships) :
There are many people who think highly of themselves to remain worthy of their appearance, without constructing or deconstructing what they fundamentally are themselves;
I am only interested in the genius of people, therefore in their best and their worst, in knowledge and in truth. By this, what I mean is that neither knowledge nor truth can lie, and I trust only in the pure semantics of virtue.
If someone can be conscious of the justice and injustice, it's a win-win. Otherway, it's a goodbye


Bought tangerines today



Got a collaboration w/ some calli artist that's cool !!!!

oh man i am so happy yet desperate for no reason
i think i just need to sleep

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Thinking about my mom. And I think I should really come back to home, I heard that home could be where your heart is ? Or where you laid your head down in the evening ?
But I feel guilty for leaving her and not being able to assume that rent. I'm losing so much of myself in this trap, things are never simple, but I need to move. Uni truly helps me to change my habits and I am so proud of that. Now I need to deconstruct my nest, and to retrieve my treasures in the place where i come from. I always thought (about my wanders in flea markets) that I should bring back my stuffs at home and show them to my mom. So she can learn to know me through items, colours, stories. With the experience I've learned these 6 last years since I leaved home, I should be able to be reasonable, mature, quiet when i should. I know that we can have different point of views and opinions, it's certain. We often fought about it. I can be too much or not enough, of too chaotic for her. I will be attentive to leave her peace and only bring sparks of happiness when she needs it, rest of the time I should be active, work or just write at my desk. I am an adult, I know how to put my life together. I actually don't need that much space (the apt where I live is definitely too big for me alone since my roomate left), I just need... a paper, a pen and my head to stay inspired. I just want to write, calligraphy, or read. I can also code with my computer, play piano, sew. I can do things, it should be fine, right ?
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Squatter, home service
Having a roof is an important thing, right ?
But what if some people just come and break your freedom and rules because you have empathy to help them and provide them security and a roof ?
Should you just accept thing how it is and not being selfish or should you just protect yourself and make things right for you ?

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I healed from my coughibg and aphonia in only 3 days !!!! (*i V i)/// there is hipe for good health!!!!!!

    OCTOBER
INKtober challenge !!!!!!
bday dad : 10/10
concert HTSR : 12/10 21h



HII Welcome October !!! Inktober is starting and I am motivated to survive
I just got 10 hours of uni, and went back home to DRAW !!! (i am exhausted)
but hey a very little team seems to enjoy doing the promptlist I created
and this offers me so much hope and motivation thanks to these very special people



We are organising an artist markets with a student group named OPAC and i am so so so happy to invite my friends at uni !!!!!

My beloved friend Ch came at home for few days because they needed a roof to rest, we shared a pumpkin (!!!!) together and some precious moments. It's been a while I haven't laugh so much !!!


Long day !!! It's been so long I haven't smile that much !! i think i lay look awkward in public when i am so happy, smiling and just enjoying life in my ridiculous outfits but... I truly enjoyed my time today.
i am SO grateful for having friends. uni truly cheers me up. I feel silly, but i am happy hey
My beloved punk friends, with of without drugs we spend such good moments
i feel very sincere when I smile... 
thankyu for offering me the chance go be happy

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why i feel like to cry - after spending 4 hours drawing at past midnight without a meal in the stomach??? - yell at me to eat !!!!!

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Messaging with my bro is the most hilarious thing ever


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hello it's the 10/10
My father's birthday.
i dont see him really often but I assume he is kind of cool and chill, i think i unconsciously look like him in the way i am.



At Uni, i am very precise and meticulous about my notes but I lack social interactions. i walk very fast way back home, never talk to anyone or just miss the opportunities. There is someone i kind of... Admire, but i think we both shy. i dreamt about them znd it was really awkward so I will just see what happen next.

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i should say sorry and thanks more often 
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Today I went to an Urban art center event and there was a sketch contest, and I won 50 balles de squeezerrr
(mdrr private joke) with Mogo et J
actually i went out after uni to meet some writers and tag and graffiti artists in the evening, it was so much fun !!! to see the people in my city who share the same interest
i've been in lettering and calligraphy for some time now (when i started going outside, and observing graffitis, or when i took the train) but really practised a few years ago. Wining a price really means something to me. Meeting artists and having the support of my friends really means something to me too !!!
I feel like i dont really belong to anywhere, any crew or gang yet, but being a little ninja, acting in shadow and sometimes pop up in public places kind of make my art and myself alive.
My peeps, my hopes.

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It's starting to be really cold outside and inside... I feel a little bit down, depressed. Cold hearted. My rage wants to show up. I'm posting and deleting and posting and deleting. I am always hungry. Never satisfied.
How to find a solution to this ?
just go to sleep.

I don't have electricity and internet in my apt. I don't have enough money to pay my rent. I am fucking going to throw myself under a train, the station where the cops hit us that day. I am always disputing with this friend, this situation really fucks our relationship badly. maybe it's my fault. Maybe everything can find peace when I will be dead. Maybe I am the problem. Just go back to sleep.

Insecurity. The urge to hide. 17 non answered messages. I hate this.
the urge to protect myself, my privacy, my opinions, my energy. Intrusive thoughts, intrusive people. My door has always been opened. I need to close, I need to close my door and hide the key.

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Studying at uni healed my eating disorder habits.
I am no longer bulimic, I am no longer sick. I am so courageous and proud of myself !
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must : buy ink


for winter :
new yo in south
ask for ttt guest 
Paris > Montpellier > Marseille
(bus - train - bus - train retour)

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i want to believe in my own self.
i am tired to count on people. they often are deceiving and i am deceived them too
The fact is that we live in a society and must trust people around us, create an unification of our interest can make something good
i spent to much energy and time on people who just ended up leaving me alone. this make me want to isolate  but it will make them win. I just can't let myself lose my own independence because of them

je ne vous pardonnerai pas de m'avoir abandonne. N (PH), MR, ED
je vous vois moi, vous pouvez pas me supprimer comme ça bande de gros traitres


"trust yourself" was the last word they said to me (a friend)

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When i went home i took very nice portraits of my face with this sakujan jacket. i felt like it, i was exhausted with work, uni and i lost some weight. i needed to remember 
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4:01
my left ear starts bleeding. my head hurts 
I feel like I live in a swamp, there is something wrong with my body.
i haven't eaten well for weeks but i don't think it's linked...
There is something broken in me, in my ear, in my whole corpse ; i can feel it.
i woke up at night to wrote this
there is an amount of stress
a suicide projection of how i could end it all
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i should end my life 
insane bad feeling about the future

4:27
With all my sincerity, i never saw myself having a long life
I was always rushing to death, telling myself " one life ", then i was rushing everything so fast, i noticed that i al losing everything. my friends, my respect, myself.
I am all alone, and it hurts. it starting to hurt even more when I lost the capacity to hear, on october. (mon tympan a succombé à d'anciennes blessures antérieures causées par des otites en créant un traumatisme auditif, cela m'a complètement isolé du monde, j'ai l'impression d'etre dans un flacon en verre, qu'il y a un truc qui sépare le monde et la personne que je suis. Psychologiquement, je me sens désorientée, et il m'est incapable de suivre le rythme des autres par leur actions, interactions. 

je n'ai pas totalement perdu l'audition, il y a une chance qu'elle se rétablisse. On parle alors de traitement, seulement les séquelles laissées par cet accident se manifestent par des maux de crânes, des bourdonnement que j'avais dans le passé. je dors mal. et j'ai envie de pleurer. je n'ai pas mangé de chose réellement substantif depuis des jours et des jours. des semaines ?)

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Y avait tellement de distance entre leur monde et le mien

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Sleeping heals.

Waking up and totally feeling being a new person.

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omg !!! got a date with little H and we went to watch Look Back - ルックバックat th cinema & it was so good ggrraaaahhhhh i wish we could have no responsabilities and eat pastries and talk more !!!!!!!!! 

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booooo i became bedbug
so so lazyy



je crains trop que bientôt il y ait des cameras partout dans ma ville, qu'on soit surveillé par l'autorité qui contrôle le pays
que les captures d'écrans, témoignages, preuves soient punissables, interdits. 
Yandex (le moteur de recherche russe) a été banni de l'europe, tous les films deviennent payants, sous licences pour que les riches prennent tout l'argent des classes sociales plus basse en échange de la culture qu'ils leur volent
ça devient compliqué de vivre en marge, faut qu'on s'intègre maintenant, avoir une roue de secours, faire partie de la société pour la retourner. Au final c'est le schéma que Mr robot ?
Y a pas moyen de pas être opprimé par les autorités, rien que les loyers augmentent à balle, alors comment faire ? on s'arrache tous la peau à vouloir vivre bien , mais personne ne bouge
ou alors tout bouge mais personne ne suit le mvt. L'individualisme s'abat sur nos générations, la fragmentation rend les mentalités compliqué à réunir. Même si on partage les mêmes intérêts on fini par se bouffer la gueule. Les hommes et les femmes ne s'entendent plus, on est tous confus par ce qu'on devient. 

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i am sentimentally so desesperate i could fall in love with anyone, or anything
hardrug in my veins



Halloween 31/10




Discovered Dey Ef. obsessed.

    NOVEMBER

we made bread

___________________________
on the Concept of graffiti article
found on open access library a lots of interesting articles about street art (might read and analyze them for my future project the Wanderer which is a street journal for citizen)
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Things are going okay I guess
instead it's super cold and i am sweating a lot (why)

I am feeling confident in my body lately, somehow, thanks to the lack of time I have to lose when I have to dressup in the morning and just choose repeated outfits and/or cool people on an asia fashion centered ig account with cool references (scarpunknet_7879)
Spending time writing, studying or watching Bakuman
I don't have time to miss my ancient lovers blehehe i can't lose time
and i just love my friends more than anything 

Disconnection !


a friend came back from Japan and offered me SevenStars cigs... sigh i smoked 3 of them and feeling cancerous bye
ttt convention 8-10/11 BXL sunday 12:30
went to bxl ttt con, was fun

All I think about if a big chunk of salmon and avocadoes.
Also veggie lasagna.........

I think i will never integrated myself in a normal group of people for the only reason that : i am asocial. People irritate me so much, i don't want them. I don't want anyone in my life anymore. I am just feeling so good all by myself... To be honest, I've been traumatised with previous experiences and I better be left alone.
But in the same way, I really realy want to be "normal" you know, having a ordinary life with people, without judgment (lately i unfortunately noticed that i started to judge a LOT, by telling myself that i can not stand with noisy, absurd, boring people; for my personal sanity. Because i need to protect myself. But in that case, i just reject 99% of people because they're stupid, and also i am and i don't deserve them) i really really want to stop judging them. But I know myself, and i am very picky about the people i want to have in my life, another reason is : i don't have much energy. I just am fine with myself. I am laughing so much about my mediocrity and condition, i am already insane. So people shouldn't approach me.
Well. I still an proud that I apologize towards the people that rejected me and that i rejected them. Happily, I am left alone because of my choice (because i am too selective) But I really suffer from being the weirdo that is left appart when i just want to chatchat about simple a silly stuffs. But... I just can't. 1) i don't have people to be funny with 2) i hate looking like simple and stupid in public 3) i am tired and i should stop nonsense talkin



Il semblerait juste que je plonge encore dans l'univers d'anime tels que Bakuman (souhait de lire les mangas, pour les dessins !!!) et Parasyte, comme support vital.
On ne peut se désintéresser de ce qu'on aime, n'est-ce pas ?




Back in my teenager years, everyone around me seems to like manga and japanimation, now it seems the fever had became lower. Otaku and people who watch anime are qualified as cringe, or genius. We are not normal. Adult around me don't support it. They don't want their kid to watch anime. My parents don't like it neither. I think it's sad to reject a culture.
Well, society is changing. It never stops changing anyways.



bday mom : 13/11
resto with Nobuko and bro
My brother and i have the same autism ngl lmao
Today is my mom's birthday !!! Happy birthday to her !!! My mom is a strong block of marbre
But she is so strong !!! The stronger person I know. 
Hope she will live longer. She is immortal in my heart.
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At uni we learned the danger of writing, and how each depositions can be a proof against you if you're not assuming it.
there's is ways to defend yourself about what you're writing :
- The subject (Can you write about anything ?) The freedom of expression is a right. Any subjects can be discussed, right ? 
- The consequence (Why are you writing ? To manifest something to yourself, to understand something, to study ? Or to influence, to contest something ?)
- The public (For who you are writing ? For yourself ? In your private sphere ? To a wider public ?)
Make the difference between fiction, reality, information report and believingS.
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Comment peut-on s'assurer que ce qu'on dit ne tombe pas dans l'oreille des sourds ?

L'affirmer donc.

Ce que je dis ne tombe pas dans l'oreille des sours.
Impact/Conséquences dans le monde.
"Que les battements de mes cils fassent le tour de la terre et me reviennent."

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https://www.rurumu.jp/work

Rurumu !!! Kanae Higashi
film : Heavy Shabby girl (2015) 🫀

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Today saw my dearest friend, we went for a photoshoot project, it was fun !!
Sometimes I really want to do some professional scenography with all my items...
we went to drink a macha latte at l'atelier ! i often feel so small and insignificant to speak and to propose activities uh
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GUESS WHO CATCHED A COLD
YES
i did catch it, like i swallowed a HUGE COLD
and now it stucks in my throat coughcough i become aphone again and ALWAYS is it a curse or something

I skipped a week of uni, trying to use the virtual plateform and discovering syllabus and notes of the teachers (thanks uv......)
and it's kind of interesting to work from home

I made handmaaaadeeee dim summmmmmmm with the last things i had in my fridge (nOOOO running of everything soon, it's going to be instant noodles mid of month............)

AND IT STARTED TO SNOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAH i want to go out and run and laugh and do magical writing in the snow and scream at my imaginary (cause i'm lonely) friends that SNOW MAKES ME SO HAPPOY !!!!
BUT I AM SICK
and cold really itchchchchhhhh my coughcough lungs (sevenstars smoker badhabit hits)
so i just drink TONS of wateeer and oH BOY i never been so well hydrated OF MY WHOLE EXISTENCE
i took a shower bath and brushed my hair.....wow 
Feeling like it's been mONTHS (i mean that i haven't brush my hair MAN I AM A BUSY ONE BUT I DO WASH MYSELF) and now i am just going ti be cosy in bed and watch Mr. Villain's day off, it'S SO COMFORTING aaaa 

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Tried to tie my hair like little buns and it's so cute!!
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I WENT BACK TO MY OLD OLD FACEBOOK ACC AND IT WAS SO CRINGEEEE NOOOOOOOOO WHY I HADN'T DONE THIS EARLIER !?? YOUNG ME WAS THE MOST MYSTERIOUS AND WEIRD PERSON AAGHH i hate all of that, people might think i am insanely crazy. deleted everything.
byebye
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i am healing !
there is a bright sun outside, the weather is rising but the wind is around 35km/h. Should I go out or stay inside... should I go out of stat inside...... ? should I ask my tarot card or playing head or tail with a coin ?
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Lately, I've been nostalgic about old things I used to listen at and watch. Finished to watch Hyouka (the soundtracks are so beautiful, classical music always awake something grand in me), started Clannad. This anime is SO GOOD. I can't believe my eyes and heart it has been existing and whole this time i haven't watch it yet. This is where the song Dango Daisoku is from ! Also watching Mr. Villain Day's Off and it's so comforting. Makes me want to collect panda stuffs and eat dimsum because I love comforting food and things! When I need to laugh I watch Nichijou because a very fun and cool friend suggested it to me. Also will look for light hearted animes like K-ON or Lucky Stars. yeah i love Kyoto Animation!! The feeling and colours make me feel i am back to my childhood...
Soul Eater is also cool ! Also I started to watch D. Gray-man again but it so depressing and dark at moment rip
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been drawing instead of studying 
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social media really pisses me off !!!!
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ok i am calm now.
I made very insignificant dreams and very very lucid one.
Last lame dream was me and someone (friend?) eating chips special savour dirt. lMAO
DES DORITOS GOÛT TERRE HAHAHAHAHA j'suis éclaté

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Nemesis concept really speak to me about a recent situation

Le nom némésis dérive du verbe grec νέμειν / némein), signifiant « répartir équitablement, distribuer ce qui est dû »

Associée à la conscience publique, l'opinion et, par suite, à la crainte de cette opinion
concept : celui de la juste colère (des dieux) et du châtiment céleste, déesse de la vengeance et de la pudeur
Son courroux (=Irritation véhémente contre un offenseur) s'abat en particulier sur les humains coupables d’hybris (démesure, mégalomanie).
vengeance et l'équilibre. La Némésis est aussi interprétée comme étant un message de mort envoyé par les dieux comme punition

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T to K : Une pichenette te fait revenir à toi. T'es quoi, une horloge cassée ?

mdrrr les punchlines dans Clannad sont incroyables (pv joke)

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I want to bake an apple pie but I don't know how to cook ggrrrraaaahhhhhhhhhh




30 - 1 december : ttt calligraphy convention (wowowoow)


COMPLEXE :
Qui contient, qui réunit plusieurs éléments différents.
Un problème très complexe (complexité).
Difficile, à cause de sa complexité.
Le nombre a est la partie réelle, le nombre b est la partie imaginaire du nombre complexe.

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We're in December. My end of autumn and December month journal will be in this area, because I forget the season will change on 21 December.

In November, I got an amazing meeting for a tattoo, it was in Limburgia, a convention with mostly writers and calligraphy artists !
I went two days, i was trying to avoid someone who was really unrespectful towards me and hurts me.  but I spend a good time there ! got an interaction with his friend and talked to him about the situation.
Went bakc home at 1am and had class at 8am. Made it. My back hurtssssss

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I can imagine myself ... being in this kind of environment (artist convention), idk
Je me sens attirée par ce type d'environnement, je suis curieuse, je veux m'intégrer.
Je veux qu'on me reconnaisse et qu'on me respecte dans ce milieu.
Je veux observer, partager, rire et échanger.

En tant qu'entité féminine, il est rare je pense d'être spécialisée dans le lettrage. Alors je veux y parvenir.
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Complexes.
I think a lot about what is complex in the existence.
Nothing is easy in the mind, in the world in the connexions. Can it be ?
Complex minds are always working. They are complicated, unsatisfied, questionning everything. They must overwork to fill an Emptiness. Complex minds struggles and find solutions. Complex minds can darkenen or be lightful.
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i be watchin tsurune bye
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In end of autumn/winter, I always wanted to watch Oddities, Mr. Robot (depression), and animes...

I almost finished 4 animes (Parasite, Clannad, Bakuman, Nichijou) and want to watch K-On and Lucky star... happy vibe. But should I watch newest references ? There is this film I must watch : Coin Locker Girl. And so many videos on ytb. So rewatching a series is kind of... unproductive? or is it just to get the reminescence of a memory ?

Sometimes I get hit by nostalgia and think about my exes (bruh) who never contacted me back again. i feel so alone sometimes but what a blessing ! Embrace solitude and serenity

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must scan my uni pages
always hungry

ate spinach ma langue est engourdie

je vous ai déjà dit que j'ai rêvé que je mangeais des doritos goût terre ?? j'suis éclaté

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i'm at uni and there's this racaille qui joue à cooking mama deux places devant moi j'suis mort de rire

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My mom came to offert me tangerines. Love you mmo

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Chuck Palahniuk.

I had to make a presentation about his books and him and more precisely it was an epidictique discursive rhetoric exercice for a contest at uni. I decided to participate to experiment my (low) vocal skills and it was a real mess hahaha 
But that is because I have gaps in self expression that I wanted to prove myself and give it a try. The others candidates were so incredible, I have so much admiration for them. i can even say that I could fall in love with this experience and simple fact to be be united as a team (les blâmés qui de rendent à leur exécution frrr)

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We will meet again.