hey world,

This is a new page to rambling about my new life this fall season. Hope it's going to be a fruitful time Believe in evening with candles, and pumpkin season !
Future projects (fall / winter / spring / summer):

Successes :
- got a face tat
- meet up with cool people
- Improved in letterings
- Enjoying life, music, lone moments
- Rice with ketchup and egg
- hydra project
- ate pumpkins

Readings : - The Diary of Anaïs Nin, "Lignes" Ryû Murakami

Studies : - Journalism, infos & communication (uni)

Watching : K-ON!!! (ep)
Honey and Clover
Litchi Light Club Live Action

Listening at : Kekro, Syntax

words : 御土産. omiyage. souvenir. 


  SEPTEMBER
mushies
This year I am going to study at university, learning concepts of writing and communication. I can not stand in art school anymore because i am too sensible to share my art lol So I decided to study and join university, something different that I use to do, but I am so motivated !! The only problem is the important roadworks they're doing in my street because it makes difficult to go out and they just cut my transport line ?? So I feel kind of isolated, i think i need isolation this year. (actually don't have the choice-) A friend told me that people who go to uni become smarter afterward... and so I want to be smart heh!!!!!!!! Always liked lessons in auditoriums, you just listen. Will draw my little calligraphy and ascii art while learning. Since I experimented large outside street painting this year, i want to go back to small now because I honestly don't want to be seen !! I just want to isolate a little bit in my studies... Sometimes I feel like my environment is becoming hostile. Neighbourhood fights, how they started to cut trees in my street, these fucking roadworks, little insects crawling, it makes me sad. My mom makes me sad as well... I need to move from my place as soon as possible. I need change. Next year, in June, I will come back to the countryside. Sometimes I get worried because I can't not find sleep at night, because my physical condition is not good, because I feel like I miss something. In other words, I feel uncomplete, wrong. I want to delete my online existence. Then I remember it's alright, everyone has their own pace. I will find sleep in the morning, I will work out later. I can wash my clothes when the rain stops. I can enjoy calm morning, afternoon and evening. Is the rainy September blues giving me this feeling ? Probably. I live in a country where the rain never stops. And I will not ask the stars why, because I know the answer, I got unlucky, being born here. But in a way, I am grateful to be alive. Tomorrow, when I will get up, I will cook rice with ketchup and an egg. Everything will be alright. Done my laundry, vacuumed the whole apt, changed my sheets. Month is going to be good. I am going to be courageous !! Uni is starting soon, and the rain won't stop. I wonder if we will still have sunny moments... We will surely have some. I am about to take a warm shower after my laundry. and wear comfy clothes. Oh, maybe I will take a bath, iam craving so much warm water... Like a hug you know, but something that doesn't require anybody.I discovered Ryû Murakami some years ago, and whenever I read his writings, I feel like making new friends with such big red flags haha. People irl are kind of like this sometimes. These past years I've met so many red flagged people, and I hope to never see them again. In the end we all end up alone, we are even more better like that. I am conscious that it can be harsh, and I don't deny the fact that my whole existence could also be toxic to these people. I am creator, an idealist, a destructor to see beauty in the ruins... I also know that I can be lovely, kind, helpful. A good person in anyways. Believe me or not, I am not a bad person, and people around me can love me and see goodwill in my actions and heart. I am a quiet type, a slow orator, a secret one, you know. I don't really show when people annoys me, but it doesn't mean I forget. As an observer, I study these behaviours, try to understand them. But there are so many differences with the way I am build sometimes that it seems just out of place, and I just have to quit. There is this artist I've been listening for years in my earphones, a depressed hiphop/rap (rythm & poetry) french guy who will come in my city, and I bought tickets to see him live. His new album called " La Pluie " and it goes right to my brain and heart. It's been almost 10 years I've been listening to Hugo TSR !! Actually it's a little bit personal, I am scared to go alone, so i drop a little message on my socialmedia to maybe gather people who also wants to come ; but then I deleted it because I am scared to be too cringe asking for people to come with me. I will go alone probably, mysterious dressed and with a mask so people can not recognize me. Maybe the bandana Reita was wearing. And I will take my markers with me, and some papers too. I hope to see some friends, or precisely loyal listeners. Managed to draw a little bit. I hope to meet cool people at uni !! I am a little bit stressed since it's been years I haven't sit on a school bench. I started working early after my unsuccessful years in art school and because covid. So I really want to meet up nice people there. I must motivate myself too to sleep and being healthy. Watching K-on tonight. I think my life organisation is following a logic line that actually suits my reality. Decisions, registering... Everything was done completely like it should. I need changements, to deconstruct my habits. and poof they will. I will change and grow up. okeeee LAST NIGHT BEFORE the uni student life is starting !!!!!!!!!!!!! I am already anxious about the way it's going to change my life !! in a good way I am sure my sleeping schedule is going to change my eating habits are going to change my energy and motivation is going to change my interests are going to change I would like to preserve my activities about my art and calligraphy And participate to the inktober challenge too... I hope I will manage to have time AND energy to draw Planned a 3 days trad art and 3 days digi art, but I am always lazy to draw on computer (always want to do something else such as coding, reading blogs, watching videos... it's also a way of creating and finding inspiration i think) SEPTEMBER is going to be SUPER FOCUS ON THESE HABITS I HAVE TO ADAPT !!! for a better life Look at how I customed my bag !!!!!! going to adopt the loser boy style oh yeah
and ohh hEYY look at my outfit i am going to be bullied by ppl SO TODAY was my first day of uni !!!!!!! My first lesson was philo, there is no wifi connection in the audit lol rip, teacher is really nice btw Absolutely adore how knowledge enters in my brain hehehehehe I think my computer is going to stay at home for a while (will update on my phone when I must blabla and ramble alone here) and try to communicate a little bit with people Peeps in my class seems very young and lost (like me) got two social interactions today (were pretty nice!) and saw my beloved friend H who show me CRAZY COOL secret places in the campus (in the library) NB floor 4 Tomorrow and on Wednesday I will have 10 HOURS OF CLASS from 10am to 10pm oh god I pretty much enjoy the feeling of hungriness, because when I wasn't scholarized I had hardcore ed and just spend my time eating. So it regularizes my habits somehow. I have class at 8pm today, see ya soon schoolboyas 21th September is officially autumn and I want to do something special that day. uptdate : ok i checked and it's officially on 22th this year. But TODAY i wore a autumnal tones outfit, some lace, comfy shoes, and went out to buy cute vanilla fluffy cakes shaped like a LEAF can you imagine ?? theyre are so cute !!! aaaaaa i have a really bad sore throat (lack of sleep ? people in auditoriul coughing 33252345243times in my back ? my fragile health ? everything ??? =life) so i'm drinking lot of tea. tomorrow i'll finish that calli i started (the one in the background of this blog) and eat a entire jar of honey. i love autumn Learning so much. will update uni page when I will have time and not 10 hours of class !!! agh Maybe on Sunday or when I will need synthesis of my lessons. They are going to be so detailled and funky (colorful?structured?) Cant wait to imply css also (ça se dit ?) Yesterday, i was lost in the school and discovered a scientific museum in the school !! wasn't expecting this ???? a friend of mine in pinning bugs for their studies (bio) and it's so cool ! i am in journalism and learning bases of communication so it's pretty chill, we have library visits and such The Library of the school offers free book !!! omg i am going to throw myself in the biblio every fcking day & Of course I'm in love with the Litterature class and the first book we have to read is "Die Leiden des jungen Werthers" written by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1774. A romantic diary aiming to the suicide of the main chara, the story is written like a epistolar (bro i can not say it in english) style : letters. The young Werther write letters to his friend William. We have rhetoric lesson as well, and we kind of have to role play (in my fantasy ok) and make a presentation of a character to defend your opinion it's going to be so much funnn i always thought i was pretty shy but im really interested in theater and rp and so make a public presentation hypes me! ALSO i try to make the calligraphy community grow on my social media and created a promptlist for inkotber named "Callinktober" ! hehehe and some people i never met are going to participate, and it's so cool to motivate people i feel usefulll I came to a conclusion that (building stable relationships) : There are many people who think highly of themselves to remain worthy of their appearance, without constructing or deconstructing what they fundamentally are themselves; I am only interested in the genius of people, therefore in their best and their worst, in knowledge and in truth. By this, what I mean is that neither knowledge nor truth can lie, and I trust only in the pure semantics of virtue. If someone can be conscious of the justice and injustice, it's a win-win. Otherway, it's a goodbye Bought tangerines today
Got a collaboration w/ some calli artist that's cool !!!! oh man i am so happy yet desperate for no reason i think i just need to sleep _ Thinking about my mom. And I think I should really come back to home, I heard that home could be where your heart is ? Or where you laid your head down in the evening ? But I feel guilty for leaving her and not being able to assume that rent. I'm losing so much of myself in this trap, things are never simple, but I need to move. Uni truly helps me to change my habits and I am so proud of that. Now I need to deconstruct my nest, and to retrieve my treasures in the place where i come from. I always thought (about my wanders in flea markets) that I should bring back my stuffs at home and show them to my mom. So she can learn to know me through items, colours, stories. With the experience I've learned these 6 last years since I leaved home, I should be able to be reasonable, mature, quiet when i should. I know that we can have different point of views and opinions, it's certain. We often fought about it. I can be too much or not enough, of too chaotic for her. I will be attentive to leave her peace and only bring sparks of happiness when she needs it, rest of the time I should be active, work or just write at my desk. I am an adult, I know how to put my life together. I actually don't need that much space (the apt where I live is definitely too big for me alone since my roomate left), I just need... a paper, a pen and my head to stay inspired. I just want to write, calligraphy, or read. I can also code with my computer, play piano, sew. I can do things, it should be fine, right ? __ Squatter, home service Having a roof is an important thing, right ? But what if some people just come and break your freedom and rules because you have empathy to help them and provide them security and a roof ? Should you just accept thing how it is and not being selfish or should you just protect yourself and make things right for you ? __ I healed from my coughibg and aphonia in only 3 days !!!! (*i V i)/// there is hipe for good health!!!!!!
    OCTOBER
INKtober challenge !!!!!!
bday dad : 10/10
concert HTSR : 12/10 21h



HII Welcome October !!! Inktober is starting and I am motivated to survive
I just got 10 hours of uni, and went back home to DRAW !!! (i am exhausted)
but hey a very little team seems to enjoy doing the promptlist I created
and this offers me so much hope and motivation thanks to these very special people



We are organising an artist markets with a student group named OPAC and i am so so so happy to invite my friends at uni !!!!!

My beloved friend Ch came at home for few days because they needed a roof to rest, we shared a pumpkin (!!!!) together and some precious moments. It's been a while I haven't laugh so much !!!


Long day !!! It's been so long I haven't smile that much !! i think i lay look awkward in public when i am so happy, smiling and just enjoying life in my ridiculous outfits but... I truly enjoyed my time today.
i am SO grateful for having friends. uni truly cheers me up. I feel silly, but i am happy hey
My beloved punk friends, with of without drugs we spend such good moments
i feel very sincere when I smile... 
thankyu for offering me the chance go be happy

___

why i feel like to cry - after spending 4 hours drawing at past midnight without a meal in the stomach??? - yell at me to eat !!!!!

___
Messaging with my bro is the most hilarious thing ever
Halloween 31/10
    NOVEMBER
bday mom : 13/11
ttt convention 8-10/11
french blabla L'apprentissage. Saisir par l'esprit, étudier et savoir un domaine, capter l'information et pouvoir la transmettre, tel est la parfaite maîtrise d'une connaissance. Partager son savoir, être à l'écoute. Cela va dans les deux sens. Nous sommes tous formés, informés, car nous avons tous la capacité d'apprendre et de réfléchir. Multiples personnalités Ce n'est ni ordinaire, ni normal, ni extraordinaire ou étrange. Certains êtres développent de multiples facettes de personnalités qui se manifestent à des moments précis de leur vie ou lors de situations indéfinies. Les êtres humains se développent avec leur environnement, leurs conditions de vie et leur capacité de comprendre et de réfléchir, ils sont forcément influencés par ce qui les entourent. Au début, certains appliquent le "mimétisme" lorsqu'il s'agit de faire des choix, d'autres vont fouiller dans le fond de leur préférence et essayer d'expliquer, de manifester le pourquoi de leurs décisions. Il n'est pas évident de choisir lorsque nous n'avons pas le savoir inné. Avec les expériences, nous apprenons à nous habituer, à développer nos goûts, nos préférences. Parce que cela nous semble logique, nous contruisons alors notre personnalité. Imaginée, sublimée, simplement, par facilité, paradoxalement ; notre identité se forge petit à petit par ces expérimentations et chemins empruntés. Notre passé fait de nous qui nous sommes à présent. Nous sommes une accumulation de nos choix et préférences, de nos idées et pensées partagées et parcourues dans notre esprit. Nous sommes une multitudes de goûts et de couleurs, une palette immense de tonalités. Bien que nous naissons tous par "défaut"/"blank", nous sommes entraînés par l'inertie du mouvement des planètes de notre monde, les astres qui gravitent et s'entrechoquent, créant des conséquences irréversibles. Il en est de même pour les humains. Lorsqu'un être rencontre un autre, il est influencé, voire inspiré ou alors rejettera cette influence, créant en lui une affirmation de son choix. Ceux qui sont capables de comprendre, de voir les différentes perspectives, possèdent l'oeil omniscient. Nous ne sommes pas obligés d'accepter toutes les personalités qui viennent à nous, tolérer par respect est simplement une solution afin d'éviter le conflit. Il arrive que nous essayons de nous intéresser à un quelconque sujet et que nous nous finissons par apprécier, par le maîtriser. Cela devient une part de nous. Le temps et l'énergie dépensée dans une activité, un intérêt nous plonge dans cet univers que nous développons et créons ainsi une place importante dans notre cerveau. Il arrive parfois, de se rendre compte par rejet, déception ou réalisation que sur quoi nous avons été absorbé ne nous correspondent plus et alors se crée en nous un besoin de changement. Humains bloqués dans un monde ou le temps ne s'arrête pas Certains être humains modernes ne sont pas capables de subvenir à leurs propres besoins, ils dépendent des autres êtres. Il est devenu normal de vivre en société, de faire ses courses en grandes surfaces, d'envoyer des messages, d'avoir comme meilleur ami : son téléphone. Les médias, l'influencent de la bêtise rend les humains faibles incapables d'agir en conséquence, parfois même ils deviennent malades, bloquent leurs développements. Ils finissent par stagner, se sentir perdus. Il arrivent qu'ils suscitent eux-mêmes des obstacles, pensant qu'ils sont insurmontables alors qu'ils ont toutes les clés pour réussir. Ils s'inventent des maladies, des faiblesses par peur d'avancer. Ne se projettent pas. Mais l'horloge du temps ne les attendra pas, il faut se bouger maintenant. L'inspiration, la volonté, la motivation (discipline, ordre, orientation) sont des concepts à apprendre pour pouvoir débloquer et continuer. "Il y a beaucoup de gens qui se prennent de haut à rester digne de leur apparât, sans construire ou déconstruire ce qu'ils sont fondamentalement eux-mêmes ; Moi, je ne m'intéresse qu'au génie des gens, donc à leur meilleur et leur pire, au savoir et à la vérité. Par là, ce que je veux dire c'est que ni le savoir, ni la vérité ne peuvent mentir, et je ne fait confiance qu'à la sémantique pure de la vertuosité."