Going to bed early if a sign of you caring for yourself
___

17:52 on time !
Medical check up today ayoo

I want to know if i grew up. I want to know my weight also.
update : so I'm small lol 162cm
41,40kg

The voice of the woman of the medical officer at the reception is so soft
___
I don't really have a follow-up with medical in general, i always tried to stay at distance, i am pretty scared of being too much concerned with medical conditions, being dependent of it. I had very bad experiences past then (depressive episodes, ts, ed, ivg and depression again)
plus ony my eye is defective and also i had recently an accident with my left ear which started to bleed and i went half deaf for a week.
___
Today I met someone who learned sign language !!!! And she informed me about the cursus, i am so motivated to learn in a class (should register next year !) and express myself with dactylologic, it truly helps me to communicate. I started to learn autodidactly after my accident as a way to cope and also had a friend in the past who was hard of hearing who teached me insults aha (yo M)
___

Was about to say something very funny but Neocities was lagging this morning and i forgor

it was about how roidiculous i can be publicly sometimes (i'm a funny little guy)

i am so afraid people can not stand me and don't tell me



Sunday. Woke up late, changed my sheets, been sunbathing since, watched jobstoppers interviews last evening and it resonates in my head. About to listen at some music when dusk will fall.
Saving my energy for tomorrow : class at 8am, doctor appointment at 18h.
I should take my computer with me tomorrow. I have 4 hours break in between. I want to isolate myself in library but I think it's our last sunny day tomorrow (this worries me somehow, to anticipate the last sunny rays, it's so rare in my country) and so I should organise my time to enjoy the moment.

Drying clothes emanate soap scent.

___

listened at ritualmord new album (hiphop tracks make me feel honhonstyle)
mentionned Déhà in the live.
___
Asking myself how to be better at speaking and expressing myself, and I think there are lots of things you can do as a human being to find confidence for yourself. You have to be able to fulfill your needs, to develop your skills you have to then you can find satisfaction and evolve. After that, you have to find motivation and inspiration. Ask yourself : what make you happy ? (in discussions : think about references, memories, moments related with your conversation, common interests, curiosities, recollections of ideas...) Try to master a subject, study for it. Learning is good, exercing and finding a way to apply it is even greater. Know what you love is the easiest way, express yourself about what you are passionnate about. Being passionate about everything is a goal to me.
Having a good intonation/eloquency is also something you can exercice. When you suffer from solitude, it's hard, i totally get that. Finding solutions to solve it. 
How to get away a bad mood : changing subject, orientate it to something "joyful" but remind yourself that : some things have to be spoke up. I usually have these grey clouds mood that stands above my head when the evening comes which can be annoying and annoy people too. Most of the time I am just tired, have the feeling I can't escape the situation and starts to ramble unclear thoughts which is definitely regretable. Still trying to find a solution : trying to keep yourself busy, just get up find another point of view, get to the point and announce that it makes you uncomfortable. 

Being a little bit more honest with your feeling.



Finally contacted my landlord !! And used this peak of motivation to send messages to mom, and some friends I love.
___
Might selling books I will unfortunately never have the time to read, most of them have been found in free books shelters. This morning I took a box and give some away at a sunny place near a tramstop near the station and when I came back, many of them were already gone ! Peut-être que demain je croiserai L, en tout cas je lui ai déposé un message timide et elle m'a donné son numéro, mais je n'ai pas trop envie de forcer le contact ; on a 'rendez-vous' à 15h mais je sens déjà que je vais être en retard, en plus, il existe plusieurs bookstores dans la ville et je n'ai pas précisé lequel. Je crois que je laisse le hasard décider à ma place, c'est pas trop grave si on ne croise pas.
___
List of things I want to do soon this week :
- drink water
- lay down in the grass
- read a book
- write letter
- wake up early
- being a little funny everyday
- listening at  timeless music in the evening



Should I wrote dates and times when I write entries ? I don't really like being tracked or stuck in time, so I won't. I like to indicate the time moment, peeps will notice I am really a lazy person lol.
I must get up early and going to sleep before 2am.
___
https://int10h.org/oldschool-pc-fonts/
https://www.vgamuseum.info/
^
links i must add to Technostalgia 

new journal entries placed on top !

registered in pikidiary because why not
@ninjaweb on pikidiary.lol hihi

ok cutest fairy sets on nookpedia

Cute themed items screaming ( firefly lamp, cupcake, dollhouse...)

___ 10:56
Today there are strikes all around uni, town, city, capital. It's a beautiful week, among the rare bright ray sincere sunlight and grey clouds. I must really do my best to enjoy the most of this warm luminosity. Sociology class is cancelled because of that, it makes me anxious somehow, we are losing the rhythm of this semester. For sure, the maintenance of rights is important, education also is. I am an addict learning more, and group movement kind of are chaotics sometimes, but I believe it is important to support. I will probably join anyways because I am curious and it might be good to support people who think alternatively and act against society injustices. The day must be productive, enjoyable, beautiful. Maybe I will go to that art school and offer something to L in the school locker we share. Maybe I want to isolate this morning and lay down on grass for a while, then fight for every causes at night. They wrote a letter I had the chance to intercept yesterday and is it was a very big package, shaped like a book with everyday intentions. I wrote a lot since. But i think I will rethink my personal writings to address to them or scan the pages of same dates moments when they wrote to me so we can read where our minds were wandering in the same day.

I still haven't contacted my landlords to tell them I must move this year. the very limit is May/June.

Okay time to drink water.

Allow yourself
to accept, to enjoy, to move

to be alone
to satisfy your needs
to be honest with you

People will come and leave
Seasons will come and leave
Continual movement

Observing
Connections
Skin

Talks and sun
No lies 
Honesty

Eclipse
Wanderer
"She liked then to wander alone into strange and unfamiliar places

She discovered many a sunny, sleepy corner, fashioned to dream in.

And she found it good to dream and to be alone and unmolested." - The Awakening, Kate Chopin.


Find solace by your own

You're never stuck

[ Freedom ]

Table dressed
Offered flowers to silence
Sunlight

"Y was very special and I think I carry a bit of this. From the references, from the memories. From the powerful moments you know. "

"I think it's important to educate the outside world and the children, the schools, that it's okay to be yourself as long as you are a good person." - Kev Modpunk

"Keep your eye open and see reality for what it is, not for what you want to see." M. Diamond





note to myself :
maybe paint at the station who knows

- Monday : 8am philosophy, 2 jour hours of nothing, actu critique des médias, 4 hours of nothing (must start check history of art img), 6pm doctor appointment ✅

✔️veneno itw on technostalgia
✔️faire affiche urban punk event avant 26 mars
✔️cutting my nails 

- Tuesday : 12h class until 16h, books
prepare bag for mercredi long day art and tattoos, bro must eat or get food...

- Wednesday : Abel tat appointment, gloves, machine et matos, clopclopes

- Thursday : Pass to erg to check locker (+bring shit tons of arts things there)

- Friday : 16h30 rhetoric drink


films i want to watch :
Petal dance (2014)
kisarazu cat's eye (2006)




  

Gabriel Faure - Sicilienne Op. 78 (flute)

Track 04 氷菓(Hyouka) OST 8

Spring Wind - Clannad

Existence - Clannad

White Clovers - Clannad

Roaring Tides - Clannad