Spring time move 🌱

~ MARCH MONTH ~

List of things I've found, observed, enjoyed, loved : - neighbor's cat moewing - three cards of a Charlotte aux fraises deck on the ground - a little haircuff lost at the Carnaval Sauvage - sun shining bright while i am sick - a passion for crochet (i want to make granny squares, but i must find colored woolen yarn) yellow - brown - green - coded a eternal garden page of memories - Anaïs Nin journals entries, her real life and also her breaks - white laced curtains - naming my friends with silly naruto characters - antique images public domain - "throwing rock" or "eating rocks" (the expression) - the cries of wild foxes !! - sleeping in the living room - waking up and seeing fog ! - animal crossing furnitures - i love studying ! uni is so interesting !! - traveling on maps - Kisarazu Cat's eyes !!!!! (streaming)

a Day in Our Life - ARASHI ( Kisarazu Cat's Eyes ending )

31/03, 21:36, last evening of March. mom's visit was lovely with me today. I showed her the little crochet tapestry i am working on I am about to make a better one for her with flowers and clovers and berries !! 14:13, 9°c, cloudy this morning & right now there is sun. It's Sunday. Tomorrow there is a big strike against our governments so assumely taking a day off. Neighbour organised something so there are people in the garden talking loudly and laughing, it's giving a amusing and comforting atmosphere. My quarter is very calm and sometimes it doesn't feel alive but today is different. still sick, struggle to breathe because I can't breathe aha, ear hurts also watching Kamichu! ep.5

Resume my history of art studies 23:13, 7°c I have nobody to watch with me Kisarazu Cat's eyes, but this is honestly the best

track from 7th episode (i can't stop laughing I love this serie so very much) 21:29, 9°c, evening I was traveling on maps at Kisarazu town and discovered nice places. The concept of photography studio is cool, with empty place to shoot Also I love entering in cafés places on google maps it's so fun and cozyyy, now that there is a good gallery of pictures on gmaps 20:56, 10°c, night is falling Can my ex come back and tell me I deserve to be loved? please please ? Can someone I truly cherished and loved could come and save me or beat my ass ?? idk Don't mind my late thoughts i am tired Anyways I go back watching Kisarazu Cat's eyes cause it's good for my mood (I want to send this show to my dad honestly) 18:23 the tree near rich people's workplace is blooming so nicely.

mp3 makes me listen at crazy nostalgic old songs i emotionaly died 4 times on my way. 16:23, 12°c. Took a shower after reading my four lessons. Haven't finished ~~yet but I noticed I don't have toilet paper anymore ahahaha this is si silly why i am even documenting that here anyways.~~ Decided to wear comfy clothes and i am on my way to the store. I am feeling dizzy. Voice doesn't work. Wearing a mask. phone battery : 37% 12:53, 9°c, light sun. Woke up at 8:33, started to getting up at 9am to prepare my study routine. Wrote a checklist on eternal garden page to keep the rythm up. Started my routine. Already studied two lessons. This is how I like, a little bit under pressure because of that fast pace but it's good, so good to study. Coded another page for sociology / uni lessons in frenchu. Talking a little break and we are back at it ! ___ 23:27, 8°c, rain. Good evening everynyan i am happy i wrote some happy things on paper. also i added some music on this page 🎶 Maybe will implement a winamp player but i already added two columns for april and may months !! ___ oh I have a reminescence of a memory of a friend (who sent me a message a time ago and i haven't answered) : we entered in a cafe and it was one of me first time ever i ordered a mint tea and it was served in a cardboard cup, it was in summer I think, and the water was super hot. The mint was just real plant leaves, it was the cheapest drink. There was a self-service sugar pot. It was so good honestly. I would prefered that the person never contacted me back by the way. Old times were good, just let preserve it forever ___

"Y a-t-il un risque à ancrer/encrer ses pensées ?"

Le danger de prendre part, de céder à ses émotions, d'affirmer une thèse, de marquer dans son esprit, de se laisser aller et de se perdre dans l'illusion/la fiction. Parfois l'imaginatoon alimente la réalité, ce qui n'est pas forcément une mauvaise chose (si cela nous rend plus heureux, tant que ça n'affecte pas les autres négativement). Doit-on garder des choses pour soi (je pense que oui), s'auto-censurer pour éviter le conflit et la panique, la confusion ? omettre des informations ? Et la sincérité authentique alors ? Pouvons-nous parler et écrire de tout ? Le gouvernement américain est en train de bannir des mots. Ils sont en train de sombrer dans l'obscurantisme. Je pense que l'être humain conscient doit être à l'écoute et ouvert à la compréhension de tout sujet. La psychologie et la sociologie sont des domaines qui permettent de comprendre l'être humain dans ses fondements de pensées et de fonctionnements. Les schémas de pensées infondés (fictionnel et absurdes) me mettent le doute sur la nécessité à être partagés car ils n'informent peut-être pas de manière juste. Avoir l'esprit ouvert et critique concernant les oeuvres produites par autrui est important. L'intention et le discernement s'apprend avec l'expérience et l'observation. L'infondement, la "fuite" dans des univers distants et éloignés de la réalité, l'accent sur les émotions peuvent provoquer une déréalisation totale d'un être humain vers l'inconscient et le perdre dans son univers individuel. Être conscient des autres, du monde, être terre-à-terre permet de garder un maintien dans la réalité. Il m'est pourtant arrivé de consommer de nombreuses oeuvres fictives et cela m'a touché et continue à m'emporter, seulement maintenant, cela me permet d'analyser le monde présent et de la comprendre. Les artistes et créateurs ont leurs propres fondements et raisons. Recherches de choses simples ou complexes, à la recherche de réalisation, de la vérité et capacité à experimenter la vie. Jusqu'où avons-nous le droit d'aller ? L'être humain peut être irraisonné. Parfois, les choses simples peuvent sauver une vie, des vies.

cours en ligne demain : ici __ My lovely friend suggests me animes to watch : Kamichu! かみちゅ!, 2005

love the fact there is only one slow member in the calligraphy club Also love the 2005 color palette... greyish and dramatic looks. Can't wait to see more ! Only 12 episodes, short ride are the best ! and Non Non Biyori (のんのんびより), 2013 Took screenshots of the background, landscapes are so amazingly beautiful. I am speechless. The simple story of a young girl from the city who moved to live in the countryside with only 5 school students. Lovely. Opening and soundtracks are cute ! ___ 9:19 28.03.25 4°c there is fog outside !

Made a little page for a frenchie-friend to give them update while i am absent from the irl world ___ 23:27 5°c My neighbors are such huge brutes who slam the door, it reflects their indelicacy. ___ 18:49 16°c Just woke up from a nap. ___ 16:40 15°c 27.03.25 hey let's write temperature °celsius for the next updates infos detail looks like loooong hehe ayooo 14:59 decided to open the windows of my apartment to aerate my ~~rotting~~ place and ended up cleaning everything (almost) after my shower. I feel better. I still have no voice but it's okay. When I opened the window a randommm person who was waiting for someone in front of my apt asked me if it was for me and I couldn't answer because my FUCKING THROAT DOESN'T work but it's fine, i look awkward maybe trying to express myself voiceless but the fact is : i can not do differently- Maybe I should go to sociology tomorrow because I really like this class and I don't want to miss more schooldays. i am scared that someone recognize me and try to speak to me Also saw a cat from my window while I was sunbathing but I couldn't see it distinctly because i forgot my glasses somewhere (bro is blind, deaf and muted, what is this life) __ Fude pen boru pen... fu fu ___ Went to sleep late around 2am because I was watching K-on !! I am still sick, it's insane how it hurts. Q is coming getting some trinkets for the expo but I am voiceless so I will probably just open the door and hide this is putting my memories all together, simple happy times

___ KISARAZU CAT'S EYES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

___ Received a very mysterious e-mail ___ Discovering some lovely sites and pages (url/url) which noted and listed positive things that happened in their lives ! so inspiring it really makes me happy ___ Can't wait to be healed to go to uni again and give silly Naruto and animes nicknames to my peeps

Been watching K-on!!!

__ my throat hurts even more now, thought it would pass in 2 days but no ahaha i am weak and cursed. ... Quel malheureux pauvre enfant malade que je suis, cela me rend encore plus suicidaire. Unhealthy. Infections and bacterias. Dead immune system. Dead of me.

typing my hopes on 🌸eternal 🌸 page

Because I am sick, I've been thinking a lot, about voicing, being voiceless, my relationship with sounds, hearing, being impaired hearing, speaking, listening, and expressing. This is so important. I've learned to be less shy, to surpass myself, to speak out loud. Well, I know that I am more at easy with writingand at making art and expressing myself through these supports. but... I know that being able to speak with eloquence, clarty is useful. Some people are born with the convenient skills and good voice tone, and you can not beat someone who has a clean native deeper voice (unless you take hormons which is not in my first personal necessity right now), no you can so you just stay quiet and envy or admire them. Some people just talk in public space, like in the bus, you hear and you know it : this voice functions well, the tone speak to your mind, it can be a lead of a weapon. Because some people speak, can speak but have nothing interesting to say. Some people are badly intentionned, some people don't even listen at themselves when they speak, but they have good voice tone, a good timing, a good speech. I think quiet and introvrets people notice that. They also develop faculties to express themselves (if they don't give up or letting them crushed by), the smart ones train hard, find ways. There are many ways to express yourself, and also to exerce to say something adapted, lucid, interesting. Cultivate yourself, stay inspired, listen to others. If you are not sure about something, ask yourself and other why and how. Find definitions, conclusions, solutions. Talk about something that enlight your thoughts. ___ Anyways, i am so glad and relieved that i am not in the game of the love scoop thing anymore seeing my exes looking around for new victims while i am sipping in my lovely loneliness... i am free but also i am persuaded that being in a couple would calm my mother's bad intentions towards myself and family,,, - i wish i felt better, i wish i was better spiraling again and again and again

___ 19:40 she told me she would come at 19h - 19h30 :+((( why is my mom always late ? ___ messaged my mom because i am sick and need help up : i am scared of my mom. i am scared that we don't get along because we are not listening at each other, because we are the same and deceptive ___ Tomorrow, there is a big event I helped to organise with OPAC and I am sick and will not be able to participate. it makes me feel awful. I have to post a message to say "sorry lol i can not make it" and will not be able to meet the artists i invited, to present things, to offer the things i wanted. Because my body is dying again and again and again and it haven't been sick for three years but this year, i fell sick 6th times. How is it possible ? why... I feel selfish for not being able to show, i am scared, I will disappoint everyone. I fucking hate myself and deserve to stop doing all of this, organising to leave people and not even coming, it sucks. i suck at being assumable. I really really want to come and to do it perfectly but i can't just because i am sick and it makes me full of rage against myself. i need to calm down. i am sure that if i come with a mask and not being able to articulate one word because i am muted because of the sickness, or start to cough in front of people they will probably fear me because we are all scared of bacterias contagion so it's better for me to not show up. ___ The locations automatically is linked to where you took your picture on a map when you import your photos on flickr from your phone !! it sucks !! disabled immediately !! ___ 25.03.25 Some years ago, I decided to live in this apartment near the forest which has a dreamy view and a nice living room and spent a lot of time reading books, organising meetings at home, tea parties,... Now time has come for me to move. There are many reasons I feel the urge to change from place, I need to live and change my point of view, to believe in the fact I am not stuck in life, to motivate myself to go outside and see the world. (March updates on Neocities speak from itself way better, I've done a list of for and against my move and I finally decided to contact my landlord that I have the ambition to move!) I decided to go back to my mother's land for a while to take care of her, I know that she is kind of struggling with lot of things and being not able to help is making me depressed. I've been living under pressure with the rent since living alone and it is not possible for me to live where my ex-partner and I build our lives here and then suddenly broke up. I need change. I couldn't find any other roommate because I couldn't accept the fact it was possible, and also I got used to live alone, I don't feel lonely anymore (sometimes I do), but for a long time I find comfort in being a lonely wolf. I see as a danger anybody who tries to approach me in an interested profitable way. I have lacked confidence since something broke in me, I'm trying to pick up the pieces all together and move forward. I fell in love with someone who decided to give up on me, and it opened my eyes : you can not be dependent on someone else. This will not save you. And you have to save yourself, to do the things by yourself. People will reject you anyways if they live in the illusion and does not accept you how you truly are. That's why you have to be brave enough To confront the world, to help yourself I strongly believe in a lovely, peaceful future It makes me truly sad that I am not able to live in the capital anymore, seeing the same landscapes whenever I go out makes me feel sick and I just travel on maps instead... Anyways. My plans to move and have a garden, and being surrounded by cats and planting a tree is not just a dream, I want to make it real 🌱🏠🧺🐤🌼 Some of my friends move from country to country, literally settle down in another continent, so I think it is possible to do it !! it is so inspiring and admirable also. I need to travel and to see the world ! I wrote lots of my plans, possible ways. World is immense, world is mine. ___ Well, right now i am sick but sociology makes me feel alive and inspired. I love seeing how people are doing. especially when i can relate to them, watching Eliza's video cheered me up We met some years ago and her behaviour and personality truly marked my mind !! ___ elizaaaa <3 soothing ___

(sick) bacterias are winning and i am depressed

i dont understand how people heal in two days while i am always sick for two weeks wanna cry, whining i hate being sick when i have so much things to do crying rolling curling up in my bed i am even sicker than before orz fml my whole body hurts am i going to miss all the activities we hardly organised ? :+))))) maybe ___ how to heal from everything my voice doesn't work anymore i am broken i am useless just kill me wtf ___ je me deconnecte pour essayer de pas stresser... ma voix bordel de merde c'est toujours comme ça mon petit corps febrile de connard, j'vais juste me buter c pas possible Accident accidentel de envy qui s'est jeteé sous un train oups, c'était prémédité. Personne n'aime la préméditation.

oh no !!! i am supposed to help urgently this week and i start feeling sick D: ___ reminder for tomorrow task if the local is closed : "Du coup tu dois prendre le petit téléphone blanc accroché au mur Tu tapes 2614 et ça sonne, la c’est le dispatching qui te parle (si c’est une jeune dame qui parle, elle est trop gentille) Faut juste dire « bonjour c’est le cercle OPAC, on aimerait bien ouvrir la salle Delvaux » et rajouter « pas besoin de faire venir la secu « car les portes principales s’ouvrent a distances, on appel la secu pour ouvrir la regie juste" __ Learning more of sign language I really want to register to class in the following years ! ___ Counter facial recognition : wear a mask. Somehow the movement of protest and wearing mask is a way leading to disobedience against the law of repression of freedom. Wearing some dollies (laced, crocheted) on my face so i can see through it, my face is hidden, and i can remove it and fold it easily in my pocket. ___ HIYAAAHH I AM SO HAPPY ! I found the Carnaval Sauvage (there are no informations on social media about this) in my town !!! I was gloomy because i almost missed it. I fell asleep and woke up at 15h and then I had to take a shower and prepare my stuffs and arrived at 17h at place du Jeu de Balle but there was no one !!!!!! Just some lost people (they looked sad to not find the cortège) and sadly I don't have voice left to ask because I have a sore throat since before the QN. Two or three years ago I was in the centrum and saw some crazyyyy costumes and people wandering like savages in the town and I was like whaaaat is that ? and I remember the vision of it was so dreamy. I have some friends who join the procession a year after and I could see the cortege on their pictures and I was soooo curious to join one day and i finally had the chance to be a part of the big walk !!!!!!!!! So many amazing costumes, creative people, music and randommmmmmness i love love love that. The concept is so free also, so real. They don't really communicate anything on the media because it's a pretty secret thing. To join it, is to have contact somehow. So yeah, detaching myself from isolation to live this dream is so worth it ! photographer : Laurent Orseau

___ 9:36 Good morning peep, I dreamt about the Carnaval sauvage, flea market in my hometown and painting outside. The sky is grey today. I feel life and hope are saving me Simplicity and purity 🪷 ___ 1:14 Went home safely !!! I just needed to type something positive because I actually am truly so happy and grateful that i spend time with such good people, kind hearted and had a great time ! i am so lucky to be accepted in this little cercle of students they take care of me and i want to take care of them... they are so precious and I hope to also be precious to them !!! I am so glad I did it, went out and spend some time with them, being free to have my own space and chatchatting discussions with people i'm learning to know and appreciate bref suis fatigué ___ Speaking and not knowing what i want to say and forgetting my whole personality when I come back home and just reintegrate my own i am scared to lose it ___ 23:13 rave party in my school ok it's a queer night moew i am shy and hiding between two seats in the theatre room i don't want to be seen or found so i am hiding people accepted me so it's okay i guess especially Ezra and Vince they are so lovely and cute and kind and fun (i ship them and envy them somehow) sometimes i feel kind of bad for showing up at events i had fun, but i felt do vulnerable at certain points i am overthinking, i am tired people complimented my hair, my necklace, it pleased me i think i would be even more empty and lonely if i just headed home i think it's fine if i leave ? its's okay right ? i have the right to leave ok i need sleep i don't have much battery in my phone & waiting the tram ___ One Ok Rock in concert cost double price that I usually pay for local concert, but i really love love them, i am hesitatinnnng Sadly the friend who loves this group and me aren't in contact anymore because we had a crush on each other and couldn't make it, because timing, life and reasons... Maybe I should propose them to go together... they now have a boyfriend...

New everyday daily quest : compliment someone (on your way back home, at uni, in the street) to make their day brighter. ____ Ok we discovered a hack to print at uni for free the machine usually ask for your student card but when you shut it off and on and like... confuse it by touching everywhere (that silly technique) and just plug your usb card it doesn't ask you to pay !!!! ___ Went to bibliothèque de uni, write a little bit, took picture of a camera stickers. We are going to print some affiche and glu them in the oldschool way i am excited ! ~~on way to batiment U pour aller poser une crotte là j'en peux plus~~ ___ Tidying my room, hurt my right hand ouch Stored tiny things in tiny boxes I will be happy to open later on... (when ?)

____

yolo allergy moment

Might me allergic to something I ate... D: It actually makes me feel so bad ! I did effort to eat as the nutritionist told me and i just got sick again and my skin is in horrible shape !!! It makes my confidence goes downwnnnnnnnnn byebye _ i don't know what's happening in my body but my skin is crazy shit right now since i started to eat again Maybe it's allergy to something ? my face skin is burning !!

___ 8:28 Just passed at the piano in uni and there was no one so i played uwu ___ 7:58 bro teach just cancelled the lesson lol ok going back to my bed bye ___ 7:43 NO I FORGOT TO CHECK MY LETTERBOX ajdhsksk even if i noted it two times !!!! BRUhhhh this will stay a mystery until i get home ___7:38 Good morning ! I have 3 minutes to speech a fast entry before going to uni. I am thinking to make a little street artist journal on technostalgia because I bought some spray paint and i want to make cool stencils as well !! But the mood here doesn't really motivate to be a street scratcher and I should preserve softness kindness here. So i am thinking about that nrv journal...

Sunday - 21:53 Took a nap under the sun. Ordered food (never again ~~~ i fell sick right after) Decided to be lazy today. Staying in my boat bed. Drew a little I have morning class tomorrow ! eating peaches in can in porcelain cup.

Someone left something in my mailbox. Should check tomorrow...

ohh boy !!!! I enjoy so much watching club animes and series it gives me so much positive energy !!!!! Kisarazu's Cat Eyes is about baseball but mainly about a group of friends who just wander and drink beer together in a very cool place Also I watched Tsurune about archery !! and Clannad about theatre (and the humour is so good also I cried) and of course K-on !!!! I want to watch Lucky Star again, and Haikyuu... And I must find Bakuman manga, Adekan, MADK and more... Since I join OPAC (Art & Culture) club at uni, i feel like i can relate so much to this kind of atmosphere !!! Kisarazu's Cat Eyes

I don't understand anything about that film, but the vibe is so hilarious (link streaming fr cause I struggled to find it) Update : It's actually a serie of 9 episodes

Alright, let's write about some irl events because I can not being active at day and pretend to be a bedrot worm on the web. I need to share about how important it is for me and for the society, to not letting yourself die in your room when you can express yourself, meet people, defend values, listen to people, observe the world. 15.03.25 Today I went to a protest to denounce police abuses ! The sky was so grey this morning. I had an exam at 10am until 14am then I headed right to the place. Uni is eating my energy, teacher has smiled at me. A bright smile. I haven't eaten in between and arrived at the manifestation. Sun rose and it was beautiful. We were mainly young people (18-26yo) to protest there, it was slightly different from the earlier national manifestation (on 13/02/2025) in the start of the year against the governement decisions. There were so many people from the country and different domains, jobs and profile titles. In between I also participated to the National Day of Women's rights on 8 march. ___ Writing it here so I don't forget : 3eu edamame in my freezer ____ Really wanted to eat an ice cream and sweet Ludo just packed some in their bag in grandma blanket so they don't melt. Offered me one. Red beans ice cream are really really good !

Nehir's carrot cake recipe !!! ___ 19:21 Friday old playlist playing *dokidoki* Went to buy some asian groceries (dim sum !!!!) 22:01 is it too late to eat ? i have exam tomorrow... but i feel frustrated. i want to eat... update : made rice noodles, we only live once ___ Being too chill and awkward, missing all the signs (and don't want to see them) Went out the bar early and enjoying the clear luminosity ___ Saw in tram : two + 40aires years old women who just spend some time together and saying goodbye to each other and smelling like strong alcohol ___ Nutritionnist said that i should eat more proteins, gluten (limited) and definitely drink more water Should u spend 50eu or 70eu on stickers or raw fish ? ... maybe both.

I saw a text saying : " you know you are really alone when at the end of the day you have to many things to tell but nobody to listen" bitter reality That's why journaling, paper friend exists. Anaïs Nin did the same. And then you realize you don't really need anyone if you are self-sufficient.

Imagined Shui and Leaks playing guitar... /// (Lamento themed)

Bought a cinnamon roll on my way back home. First time i am eating this. Often say H eating nice stuffs at uni. It makes me want to try. Ludo found me a adaptator for my piano jack and it works !!! I want to offer them a hongbao with trinkets, phone things and tea because they seems stressed lately. Went to ERG school to give some things in the locker and on my way crazy things happened. I don't think Lou will ever fumble in my art book and drawings even if I wish they do. Draw on walls. __ Lately in the street i found and saw: - un boulon (ytrid memo) - this super big van full of stickers !?!? met the guy who actually drive this big van which i noticed some friend's art - Kawed's tags / SAP / skao / - that guy beggar saying " sorry to ask you..." - street art developing in some quarters (Ukkel near metro) - usually i don't like sneakers shoes that looks like random shaped boat but that guy with a very nice look and shark looked shoed AND same face at my older brother makes me feel dokidoki - passed in front of XL maison de jeunes __ I think meeting irl with somebody like me is a very intense experience, because lately I am very lacking social interactions and so I'vr been oversharing so much but like in an very exhaustive way. Everything i could give away : all my drawings, my art, my food, anything that i do, write and learn I feel the urge to offer and show. I know that i really must put a limit to my openings to strangers because I actually don't know them, i feel sometimes too naive to be so kind. But I don't know, I truly wish they have a good memory of me when i leave (die or whatever can happen) ___ met a cat named sasuke stupid security guard looking at me insistently passed at uni at 22h saw jazz peep they cool ___ There is always this little person often standing lonely at uni And I spoke with them and invited them to a workshop (but they didn't show up the first day) and then suddenly they arrived to sew a book They like to draw, they like to read novels also They look are very pure, and I look very chaotic and punkish sometimes i am so scared to be a "bad influence" So i'm trying to be very sweet, i know that there is kindness in my heart even if i don't look like it Expressing it is quite impressing to me, I like to speak with different people it makes me feel I can experience a different way of self-expression ___

posting edgy letterings on social media (i'm trying to be a little active) but ___ Going to bed early if a sign of you caring for yourself ___ 17:52 on time ! Medical check up today ayoo I want to know if i grew up. I want to know my weight also. update : 162cm 41,40kg The voice of the woman of the medical officer at the reception is so soft ___ I don't really have a follow-up with medical in general, i always tried to stay at distance, i am pretty scared of being too much concerned with medical conditions, being dependent of it. I had very bad experiences past then (depressive episodes, ts, ed, ivg and depression again) plus ony my eye is defective and also i had recently an accident with my left ear which started to bleed and i went half deaf for a week. ___ Today I met someone who learned sign language !!!! And she informed me about the cursus, i am so motivated to learn in a class (should register next year !) and express myself with dactylologic, it truly helps me to communicate. I started to learn autodidactly after my accident as a way to cope and also had a friend in the past who was hard of hearing who teached me insults aha (yo M) ___ Was about to say something very funny but Neocities was lagging this morning and i forgor it was about how roidiculous i can be publicly sometimes ~~(i'm a funny little guy)~~ i am so afraid people can not stand me and don't tell me

Sunday. Woke up late, changed my sheets, been sunbathing since, watched jobstoppers interviews last evening and it resonates in my head. About to listen at some music when dusk will fall. Saving my energy for tomorrow : class at 8am, doctor appointment at 18h. I should take my computer with me tomorrow. I have 4 hours break in between. I want to isolate myself in library but I think it's our last sunny day tomorrow (this worries me somehow, to anticipate the last sunny rays, it's so rare in my country) and so I should organise my time to enjoy the moment. Drying clothes emanate soap scent. ___ listened at ritualmord new album (hiphop tracks make me feel honhonstyle) mentionned Déhà in the live. ___ Asking myself how to be better at speaking and expressing myself, and I think there are lots of things you can do as a human being to find confidence for yourself. You have to be able to fulfill your needs, to develop your skills you have to then you can find satisfaction and evolve. After that, you have to find motivation and inspiration. Ask yourself : what make you happy ? (in discussions : think about references, memories, moments related with your conversation, common interests, curiosities, recollections of ideas...) Try to master a subject, study for it. Learning is good, exercing and finding a way to apply it is even greater. Know what you love is the easiest way, express yourself about what you are passionnate about. Being passionate about everything is a goal to me. Having a good intonation/eloquency is also something you can exercice. When you suffer from solitude, it's hard, i totally get that. Finding solutions to solve it. How to get away a bad mood : changing subject, orientate it to something "joyful" but remind yourself that : some things have to be spoke up. I usually have these grey clouds mood that stands above my head when the evening comes which can be annoying and annoy people too. Most of the time I am just tired, have the feeling I can't escape the situation and starts to ramble unclear thoughts which is definitely regretable. Still trying to find a solution : trying to keep yourself busy, just get up find another point of view, get to the point and announce that it makes you uncomfortable. Being a little bit more honest with your feeling.

Finally contacted my landlord !! And used this peak of motivation to send messages to mom, and some friends I love. ___ Might selling books I will unfortunately never have the time to read, most of them have been found in free books shelters. This morning I took a box and give some away at a sunny place near a tramstop near the station and when I came back, many of them were already gone ! Peut-être que demain je croiserai L, en tout cas je lui ai déposé un message timide et elle m'a donné son numéro, mais je n'ai pas trop envie de forcer le contact ; on a 'rendez-vous' à 15h mais je sens déjà que je vais être en retard, en plus, il existe plusieurs bookstores dans la ville et je n'ai pas précisé lequel. Je crois que je laisse le hasard décider à ma place, c'est pas trop grave si on ne croise pas. ___ List of things I want to do soon this week : - drink water - lay down in the grass - read a book - write letter - wake up early - being a little funny everyday - listening at timeless music in the evening

Should I wrote dates and times when I write entries ? I don't really like being tracked or stuck in time, so I won't. I like to indicate the time moment, peeps will notice I am really a lazy person lol. I must get up early and going to sleep before 2am. ___ https://int10h.org/oldschool-pc-fonts/ https://www.vgamuseum.info/ ^ links i must add to Technostalgia new journal entries placed on top ! registered in pikidiary because why not @ninjaweb on pikidiary.lol hihi ok cutest fairy sets on nookpedia Cute themed items screaming ( firefly lamp, cupcake, dollhouse...) ___ 10:56 Today there are strikes all around uni, town, city, capital. It's a beautiful week, among the rare bright ray sincere sunlight and grey clouds. I must really do my best to enjoy the most of this warm luminosity. Sociology class is cancelled because of that, it makes me anxious somehow, we are losing the rhythm of this semester. For sure, the maintenance of rights is important, education also is. I am an addict learning more, and group movement kind of are chaotics sometimes, but I believe it is important to support. I will probably join anyways because I am curious and it might be good to support people who think alternatively and act against society injustices. The day must be productive, enjoyable, beautiful. Maybe I will go to that art school and offer something to L in the school locker we share. Maybe I want to isolate this morning and lay down on grass for a while, then fight for every causes at night. They wrote a letter I had the chance to intercept yesterday and is it was a very big package, shaped like a book with everyday intentions. I wrote a lot since. But i think I will rethink my personal writings to address to them or scan the pages of same dates moments when they wrote to me so we can read where our minds were wandering in the same day. I still haven't contacted my landlords to tell them I must move this year. the very limit is May/June. Okay time to drink water.